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Honestly, you sound overwhelmed and depressed. And who wouldn't be in your situation. All the more reason to find support. You may not think it but, you deserve it.
I've been going through severe depression for a while now. I recognize it but cant get out.
It's hard man. I've been there several times. It's hard to want to get out too. If you have the ability, please reach out to someone. Getting on some meds and seeing a therapist can be really beneficial. I know all your energy goes to caring for your son so I know that feels impossible. But you deserve care and support too. Even if you don't feel like you deserve it right now.
Your feelings are valid no matter what they may be. But those feelings might not be telling you an accurate story. Being overwhelmed, burnt out, angry, depressed etc are all valid to your situation. But feeling worthless and not worth improving are not an accurate story.
I've tried therapy twice. Once when I was 13/14 and the school made me. They gave everyone a "stress test" which was basically a list of life events given points and you go through and add up how many points you experienced in past 12 months. It was like <20 carefree life 20-40 mild stress 40-60 high stress, look into methods to handle stress 60+ extreme stress seek medical help. I got over 300 😢 (my father died was like 80, my dog died on day of my father's funeral was like 60, failed a class was another 60, my father was sick before dying another 60, plus some random smaller ones). Anyways I went to therapy for about 6 months, it was mostly useless. The reasons I was there were out of my control. It wasn't like I was acting out or self harm or anything for me to change, just had a series of bad events and freaked out the school.
Early twenties long story short I took 100 sleeping pills trying to kill myself and ended up in hospital psych ward. Was diagnosed as bipolar with rushed thoughts. Was prescribed Lexapro for depression and depekot for rushed thoughts. I never felt anything from the Lexapro. I told the therapist the depekot felt good but didn't feel like enough. She had my blood tested and said I was right it wasn't enough and increased me from 5mg to 10mg. It felt great, I told the therapist it was perfect but she wanted blood work. She says I was still low and increased it to 20mg. I was sick as hell. Like in hospital but nurses come to either check on me or tell me to go to something but I can't leave the bathroom as I have stuff coming out either the top or bottom exit of my digestive system. The nurses even told the therapist this, she wanted blood work. My levels now matched what she wanted and discharged me.
Yeah... Not a good history with therapy.
I understand your hesitation and that sounds awful. Therapy as a whole has changed a lot especially in the last 10 years. That being said, some therapists still suck and shouldn't be therapists.