Asklemmy

43782 readers

896 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
[email protected]: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_[email protected]~

founded 5 years ago

MODERATORS

[email protected]

142

Is it wrong for 25M to date 19F? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

154 comments fedilink hide all child comments

So I met this girl by chance and we really hit it off, once I learned of her age I decided to just be friends as I think that 19 to 25 is an age were we mature a lot and I remember myself as a 19yo and I was not mature enough to be a good partner and to be good to myself.

I talked to a female friend of mine and she said that I'm over thinking it and that I should ask her out and be open minded, and so I did and we are going on a date soon.

The thing is, she seems really mature but I can't put aside the age gap.

Am I over thinking it? Should I really just take it slow and just be vigilant about the situation and notice if this isn't healthy for me or her?

Or should I let her down easy and continue as friends?

Update: We went on a date and it was great, I read all of the comments and there were some really good advices that I took to heart. I will take things slow and try to be as aware of the situation as possible. I hope it will go well :)

Thank you everyone!

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Why do people consider bigger age gaps a problem? Because there's often a difference in maturity and experience that makes it harder to communicate, have the same goals and often puts the younger party at risk of being taken advantage of.

So if you think that the thing the age gap is a stand in for, a gap in maturity, doesn't apply, there's also no reason to get hung up on the number and mistake the map for the territory.

I think it's good that you're questioning yourself though and you should probably keep being a bit cautious about the situation and reevaluating yourself until you can be certain you two are on the same level.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

There can be a power imbalance due to the younger one being less experienced and often having access to less resources.

You learn a lot dating in your late teens / 20 that allows you to avoid bad situations later in life.

But you can't say it's wrong with X years gap. Just that the potential for abuse is greater.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

The experience gap at the low end is the big reason all this age stuff exists, no one really cares as much when you're 30 and dating someone over 40. The 18-22 range has huge experience gaps, most have never been independent before 18, many aren't truly independent until 22-24 due to college.

The exposure to different points of view and lifestyles that happens for most at this age is significant and it can cause real problems in a relationship. If one person has already done that journey of self discovery and settled into a career, and the other hasn't even started. That can lead to long term resentment or drifting apart as that discovery happens.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 year ago

Thank you!