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submitted 13 hours ago by sidalsolgun@lemmy.ca to c/bpd@sh.itjust.works

22F.

Therapies and meds are not working for me as I'm resistant to brainwashing.

Whenever I get into a relationship, doesn't matter how hard I try, I end up attacking the person due self-sabotage episode. I tell horrible things, I hit them from their weakest points (not physically), and during that self-sabotage + adrenaline I take so much pleasure from hurting them like I don't think I could even get that enjoyment from sex or something.

Before accepting that I should stay away from people, or be very distanced, I thought I can manage it but no, I was wrong. My best effort lasted maximum 5 months. Episode hit again, and I fucked up everything.

Once I sleep and the episode is gone, I wake up with instant regret. I apologize but OTOH everything I said was correct so I can't really take back what I said anyways LMFAO.

It's so painful, and I find it crazy that BPD is different from ASPD. Seeing other people living their lives, having a partner, and overall happy hurts so bad. I even become like "oh why don't I just download a dating app an..." then I remember I have BPD and how I fucked everything before.

Some people are seriously born to be euthanized. Being trans + BPD is a horrible combo. Staying alive is a torture for me since my early childhood.

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[-] Madzielle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 57 minutes ago* (last edited 54 minutes ago)

BPD can come from childhood trauma, it is one of its gifts. I have c-pstd, and after a single two hour psych eval, at one point I was slapped with BPD. I feel, a misdiagnosis because I didnt meet a lot of the criteria when I read it, I was never mean to anyone, and it has been removed from my chart after working with my therapist. I do still have the C-pstd.

There is overlap for a lot of these conditions, and diagnosis can be difficult. Many therapists dont even like diagnosing because of this. They just have to mark something down for insurance reasons.

Instead, the way Ive framed my treatment is focusing on the symptoms that cause struggle in life, and treating them. Im not treating my C-PTSD, Im treating, for example, the fact I cant take a shower sometimes without my head going some wierd fucking places. My mind will think my thoughts into tears sometimes in the shower, for whatever reason, I found, playing dancable music when I shower helps to surpress the neg. thoughts that can come. Treating the symptoms, not the diagnosis.

this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2026
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BPD

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This is a friendly and welcoming community for individuals with borderline personality disorder to discuss their condition and receive support from other like-minded individuals. While intended for individuals diagnosed with bpd, undiagnosed individuals, loved ones, family members, and anyone else who may be interested in learning more about bpd are more than welcome to subscribe.

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