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I think it's social conditioning and lack of mental health resources. Girls are strongly socially conditioned to "play nice" and get along at all costs, which tends to lead to more rules following. Boys are often socialized to suppress their emotions while at the same time are allowed to act out and encouraged to be tough and macho. The bad boy act is romanticized and violence is at best tolerated and at worst idolized.
So you have men who never learned how to deal with their feelings who also are used to having a physical, often violent outlet because that's the only acceptable thing they know.
Studies of boys say that boys (in games) will follow the rules at the detriment of individual players and girls (in games) tend to allow the rules to be applied individually. This also explains why boys and girls tend to gravitate to different types of games. The way boys play can lead to acute ostracization if the rule is discriminatory towards you or even if you just happen to get unlucky where girls will often make exceptions to those rules to avoid a peer being ostracized. The boy template is how society currently works, it will inherently create poverty, inequality and the only “winner” is the rules. It’s more than social conditioning, it’s the mindset that society chooses to build its self on that perpetuates the problem.
I sourced this from the book “In a Different Voice” which I don’t have access to right now but the author did cite her sources and body of work if anyone else is curious about how basically all psychological studies on human development are almost exclusively done with boys to the exclusion of everyone else, especially foundational works.
Growing up this was not my experience at all with girls. Maybe if you’re neurotypical and/or cis then girls are like that, but I got ostracized by most of my female peers from early elementary school (and the majority of my male peers wouldn’t give me the time of day to begin with because I was a ‘girl’). The ways girls can be cruel to each other for arbitrary reasons is really jaw dropping if you haven’t experienced it firsthand. Maybe it’s different now than it was ~30 years ago, but I’d be surprised if it was. If anything I have to imagine cyber bullying makes it worse.
My experience as a neurodivergent woman was that as a girl growing up I was very much ostracized from other girls and was mocked and bullied cause I was a little weirdo, but I could usually find a couple boys who were a year or three older than me who would treat me kindly and include me in their games. They didn't treat me quite like an equal but more like a sister they needed to take care of and it was always a safe place for me.
As an adult I've found dynamics are different and I still struggle making friends and relating to people because I never got to have friends as a kid, but I can definitely walk into a group of women and not be bullied and generally can make myself feel included with some social effort.
I would tend to agree to this. My significant other and I have talked about our teenage years (we didn't know each other then) and the differences in conflict resolution are extreme. Where I would go out of my way to fix a problem in my friend group so we could all move on and he happy, him and his bros would beat the shit out of each other then act like nothing happened.
So even in teenage years, the group of girls is being to the root problem, discussing feelings, taking accountability for their fuck ups, and trying not to do the thing again. We were teenagers, we still pissed each other off constantly but at least there was some resolve and feelings are acknowledged and validated.
The group of boys didn't discuss such things. It was apparently more "hey Buddy fuck you!" And a fist fight starts. According to him half the time they didn't know why the other person was mad. They'd just beat on each other and act like nothing happened after. Emotions never got validated, nothing was ever talled about, it was just shoved down.
We both went through depression issues in our teenage years. I talked to friends about it and eventually came out there other side. He talked to no one about it and struggled well into college and even had an attempt before he went to therapy. Therapy which he never told anyone he was going to. Thankfully now these days as an adult he has friends he can talk to about these things. He said it's so incredibly different than how he was raised.
I know this is all anecdotal but, I've seen a fair amount of this so I support your theory.
We really have failed our men and our boys. I consider myself a feminist and I can argue about the shitty things that men do to women with the rest of them, but what almost always gets left out of the argument is that men were raised to be this way since they were boys. Society, do better. Stop raising girls to be accountable while giving boys a pass. Let your boys (and girls!) be rough and tough but teach them tenderness, compassion, and that emotions are healthy.
Teach your boys to become men like Aragorn.
Yes exactly. I hate the "boys well be boys" bull shit. You're setting them up for failure!