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this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2026
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My multi-year girlfriend is still technically married. She lives with me and no longer talks to her "husband". The problem is literally don't know where he is to serve papers. She thinks he is somewhere in Oklahoma but doesn't know and doesn't have an address. Can't get divorce without serving him(giving him official papers saying divorce is requested).
Most places have Service by Publication, including Oklahoma.
She would need to file the petition, and then run a legal notice in a paper that serves that county, and that would count. Doesn't matter if he ever actually sees or responds to it. She will have fulfilled her legal obligation for service.
Might be if it really mattered. It's a paper and a party, I don't care either way.
It’s also a lot of legal rights and privileges. And in many places it’s also a default inheritance. If something were to happen to her, you would have no rights to make any decisions. Her husband would. Her assets would become his.
Even if you aren’t interested in being married, it’s in her best interest to actually finalize the divorce to avoid a litany of issues.
Could be an Oklahoma thing. In my state, you can just run it in the local paper if you don't have an address. They have 30 days to respond. OK is pretty backwards when it comes to women's rights though.
Even worse is we live in Texas which is even more backwards. The marriage was done in Texas, she got pregnant and he ran away to ok but kid is about to be 13 and has never seen his bio-dad. There should be a law like "if either party abandons the other for 5 years the marriage is null and void by default"
Oklahoma has had Service by Publication for over 20 years.
One would think a judge would allow her to serve notice in the local newspapers in a situation like that if the dude is even alive.
This is how I divorced.
Every country is different, of course, but I was wondering how is that different from divorcing from a missing person that from all you know could be dead.
Being dead or MIA is a very specific and powerful state of being where most laws completely change. Being alive but not known (to you) where they live is completely different. The system will show them as alive and paying taxes but accessing and sharing address and contact information without permission is various levels of illegal and will get flagged
Best bet is private investigators. They still exist and are good at OSint and tracking people down by the faintest trails
I asked how it works in Spain, I was really curious. Here you start the process in front of a judge that can last up to two years where the other person is declared "in rebellion" so the process can proceed without having to give further notification.
Yeah this screams alternate service. And pretty sure at some point alternate service is also allowed over email, mail, or other means.
Possibly if she knew a town or even county. I also am surprised that's even a thing anymore, like who reads physical newspapers? Only time I remember buy them was to wrap dishes and glasses when moving.
The laws are probably ancient and won't be updated for decades yet.