How do you cope with being lonely forever? (lemmy.ca)

submitted 13 hours ago by sidalsolgun@lemmy.ca to c/bpd@sh.itjust.works

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22F.

Therapies and meds are not working for me as I'm resistant to brainwashing.

Whenever I get into a relationship, doesn't matter how hard I try, I end up attacking the person due self-sabotage episode. I tell horrible things, I hit them from their weakest points (not physically), and during that self-sabotage + adrenaline I take so much pleasure from hurting them like I don't think I could even get that enjoyment from sex or something.

Before accepting that I should stay away from people, or be very distanced, I thought I can manage it but no, I was wrong. My best effort lasted maximum 5 months. Episode hit again, and I fucked up everything.

Once I sleep and the episode is gone, I wake up with instant regret. I apologize but OTOH everything I said was correct so I can't really take back what I said anyways LMFAO.

It's so painful, and I find it crazy that BPD is different from ASPD. Seeing other people living their lives, having a partner, and overall happy hurts so bad. I even become like "oh why don't I just download a dating app an..." then I remember I have BPD and how I fucked everything before.

Some people are seriously born to be euthanized. Being trans + BPD is a horrible combo. Staying alive is a torture for me since my early childhood.

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[-] can@sh.itjust.works 2 points 11 hours ago

Life experience? Finding someone when you're not looking?

[-] sidalsolgun@lemmy.ca 0 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

Please check my other comment under this post.

I really think that BPD was a misdiagnosis for me.

I was ignorant about HRT too, and wrong regimen makes you crazy/angry etc.

IDK, I will focus on my post-transition times instead of pre-surgery. I'm feeling very stable now, and I don't really relate BPD anymore?

this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2026

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BPD

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