Ragebait answers only

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[–] 4 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

You would need the portal panties to make it work. Portal A would be on a wall, or whatever object you want to thrust towards, and Portal B would be on the panties aimed at your opening. When you thrust forward at portal A, it would exit Portal B, and since Portal B is stationary (panties are magical, yo) to your opening, the pillar would rise from the portal and enter the opening.

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  • [–] 3 points 3 weeks ago (1 child)

    Of all the days to be literate....

    ...

    I'm glad this is one of them

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  • [–] 1 point 3 weeks ago* (1 child)

    I hadn't considered panties, but I was thinking about how you'd just be chasing yer pecker around trying to back up on that thing.

    It's like Zeno's arrow, but kinky.

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