It didn't go over my head.

American bootlickers are so uncreative. Accusations don't need to ruin lives but the obsession with punishment and 100% right vs 100% wrong doesn't leave any option.

This is the environment that abuse thrives in. Harmed people see what scrutiny they will face because the risk of "ruining a man's life" over a false accusation is too much to take chances with. People who would perpetuate the abuse know that they can exploit others because reporting would lead to being called a traitor. The community doesn't get the opportunity to make sure that people are safe, because even putting out feelers to check if certain behaviors are normal before it progresses to bigger harm is risky. It totally ignores all the other systemic barriers that face marginalized folk to begin with. Maybe the cops harass you and your friends. Are you going to run to them for help?

Maybe you don't want the person to face punishment but you want them to acknowledge that they harmed you and demonstrate to the community that they have grown and will not harm others. In the punishment model people who have been harmed face blame for not coming forward sooner to prevent the same from happening to others. Why should harmed people face this responsibility?

In a better model, if all parties agreed to it, alternative justice practices could be used. They could come together and identify the harm and come to a shared agreement of what happened and what could have been done to prevent the harm. They can then discuss how to correct some of the impacts. This can be done privately, quickly, and with the guidance of trusted community members who can ensure the process is safe. Part of the resolution would be to determine how much of this should be shared with the wider community and how.

If the case that an assault did occur, perhaps the outcome is that the community would come together to support the harmed party in healing and dealing with any practical impacts, something they may not have been able to do before if it wasn't known. The accused may be part of this if appropriate. Together, the community and the person who did the harm could decide if they should be in a position of power, and if they should be focusing on being a representative or focused on addressing how to prevent this from happening while supporting others with taking on the role of representative. A person who thinks losing the community's trust is punishment should not be leading! The universe is not fair and bad things happen. If someone feels entitled to a role they are going to have a very hard time. Maybe they can be paired with others who have gone through similar things as accountability buddies and safe people to work through difficult unlearning where they don't need to be afraid to say they are struggling.

If it turns out the person making the accusations either lied for gain or the situation was complex and after talking through it was determined that harm occurred but there is no accountability to be taken or the accountability is equally shared, this could be addressed privately. No need to be scared of ruining someone's life if something felt wrong but you aren't sure if it was worth speaking up about.

If the accusations were falsified and shared in the community, the resolution could be that the person making the accusations needs to take accountability for the harm they caused including sharing with the community the steps they are taking to address why they sought to weaponize accusations. The accused could continue seeking the leadership position with that put behind them. Because the community has trust in the accountability process being accused of something having it come out that it was false does not leave a stain on someone.

People say all sorts of terrible things to leaders. You get to act as a pinching bag/processing space while people sort themselves out. You have to realize this is part of what leadership is. If you aren't going to be open to working with people to actually understand what their issue is even if you know what they are saying in the moment is bullshit, you are not going to do a good job.