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Anon likes a woman (thelemmy.club)
submitted 1 month ago by [M] to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
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[–] 95 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Its called avoidant bonding type.

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  • [–] 13 points 1 month ago (1 child)

    Yeah, some people want to be abused too, and they feel the ick if the person isn't abusive and starts avoiding them.

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  • [–] 37 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 child)

    i had an ex who broke up with me because I wouldn't physically beat her, and like kept trying to goad me into punching and hitting her.

    and no not in a bdsm way, it was in a 'my daddy beat my mom and that's what i think love is' way. she basically said I don't love her unless I 'show her what a real man I am by making her stay with me'.

    that was one of the most fucked up nights of my life. took me like two years to get over that. some people are truly and seriously emotionally fucked up and think they are 'right' and everyone else is 'wrong'.

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  • [–] 8 points 1 month ago (3 children)

    So you just stop bonding?

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  • [–] 23 points 1 month ago (2 children)

    Basically yes. Once things get too "close" or too "real" people with that attachment style tend to get really scared and bail.

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  • [–] 5 points 1 month ago (1 child)

    If you think of it like everyone has their ideal "closeness" range, it makes more sense.

    Some people like to be extremely close and become one combined person. Others like to keep partners at arm's length. Neither one is "wrong", they're just incompatible with each other.

    If you get two compatible avoidant people, they tend to keep things casual and aloof, but know each other very well over the years. They just don't usually live in the same house.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 month ago

    Oh I'm not trying to say it's "bad" fundamentally in and of itself or anything like that. I was just trying to give a basic explanation of why a more avoidant person might bail in that situation. I'm not trying to imply that someone with a more avoidant attachment style can't have a real or meaningful relationship, those were just the words I felt would make the most sense to the person I was explaining it to for a very basic bare bones explanation.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 month ago* (1 child)

    and then they go around complaining to everyone how nobody is 'deep' enough for them or something similar. i notice folks like that love to think they are like the most 'deep' person who ever lived... shit's so weird.

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  • [–] 5 points 1 month ago (1 child)

    That would be noble.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 month ago

    You can change your attachment style with effort. I naturally had disorganized attachment and my wife initially leaned towards avoidant (avoidant is more bailing or disinvesting when things get hard), but we've both done a lot of work and display secure attachment towards each other and in general these days

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