885
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
this post was submitted on 05 Jul 2026
885 points (96.0% liked)
196
6469 readers
3077 users here now
Community Rules
You must post before you leave
Be nice. Assume others have good intent (within reason).
Block or ignore posts, comments, and users that irritate you in some way rather than engaging. Report if they are actually breaking community rules.
Use content warnings and/or mark as NSFW when appropriate. Most posts with content warnings likely need to be marked NSFW.
Most 196 posts are memes, shitposts, cute images, or even just recent things that happened, etc. There is no real theme, but try to avoid posts that are very inflammatory, offensive, very low quality, or very "off topic".
Bigotry is not allowed, this includes (but is not limited to): Homophobia, Transphobia, Racism, Sexism, Abelism, Classism, or discrimination based on things like Ethnicity, Nationality, Language, or Religion.
Avoid shilling for corporations, posting advertisements, or promoting exploitation of workers.
Proselytization, support, or defense of authoritarianism is not welcome. This includes but is not limited to: imperialism, nationalism, genocide denial, ethnic or racial supremacy, fascism, Nazism, Marxism-Leninism, Maoism, etc.
Avoid AI generated content.
Avoid misinformation.
Avoid incomprehensible posts.
No threats or personal attacks.
No spam.
Moderator Guidelines
Moderator Guidelines
- Don’t be mean to users. Be gentle or neutral.
- Most moderator actions which have a modlog message should include your username.
- When in doubt about whether or not a user is problematic, send them a DM.
- Don’t waste time debating/arguing with problematic users.
- Assume the best, but don’t tolerate sealioning/just asking questions/concern trolling.
- Ask another mod to take over cases you struggle with, if you get tired, or when things get personal.
- Ask the other mods for advice when things get complicated.
- Share everything you do in the mod matrix, both so several mods aren't unknowingly handling the same issues, but also so you can receive feedback on what you intend to do.
- Don't rush mod actions. If a case doesn't need to be handled right away, consider taking a short break before getting to it. This is to say, cool down and make room for feedback.
- Don’t perform too much moderation in the comments, except if you want a verdict to be public or to ask people to dial a convo down/stop. Single comment warnings are okay.
- Send users concise DMs about verdicts about them, such as bans etc, except in cases where it is clear we don’t want them at all, such as obvious transphobes. No need to notify someone they haven’t been banned of course.
- Explain to a user why their behavior is problematic and how it is distressing others rather than engage with whatever they are saying. Ask them to avoid this in the future and send them packing if they do not comply.
- First warn users, then temp ban them, then finally perma ban them when they break the rules or act inappropriately. Skip steps if necessary.
- Use neutral statements like “this statement can be considered transphobic” rather than “you are being transphobic”.
- No large decisions or actions without community input (polls or meta posts f.ex.).
- Large internal decisions (such as ousting a mod) might require a vote, needing more than 50% of the votes to pass. Also consider asking the community for feedback.
- Remember you are a voluntary moderator. You don’t get paid. Take a break when you need one. Perhaps ask another moderator to step in if necessary.
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
This meme screams of someone like my 16 year old son with Asperger's so I'll answer it with the same response I would give him.
Because there are things called social norms and whether you like or agree with them or not they exist and if you don't learn to adopt them you will isolate yourself.
The attitude as represented in the meme is destructive when you understand that humans are social creatures and people are not going to want to hang around an insufferable asshole for long periods of time. As such, you need to learn to mask, adapt, or whatever you can do because if you want to succeed let alone survive in life the attitude needs to change or it needs to hide.
Now for all the people who don't like this let me ask you this question. Would you rather someone who loves you and cares for you to tell you this harsh reality and help you work through it to be the best you or would you rather learn when the world shuts you out and you end up exceedingly unloved and alone?
And before someone says "what if I want that?/I want that/I would love that/don't threaten me with a good time". Everyone requires some level of human interaction. You need to understand that even those who are your blood will start ghosting you if you are nothing but an insufferable asshole who is miserable to be around.
I'll take unloved and alone over your fake love.
As someone with that, I say, fuck off to that "authority".
Social norms are to be broken. We didn't get Stonewall riots by following police and law and order. We didn't get women's rights by meekly letting men trample us. We didn't get general suffrage by not rioting. We didn't get the right to strike by doing nothing.
I think the attitude you're being held back by, is more destructive. You're willfully following rules instead of questioning them, then deciding whether they are justified to follow or not.
I think what you're telling is not a "harsh reality" but a fabrication that neurotypical people tell themselves to justify "following orders". Fuck that shit.
If I did what you said me to, I'd be in a much worse mental headspace now. I feel sorry for your son. You blindly following social norms IS the problem. Try to address that instead. Try to actually understand why your son finds it difficult. Most of us find it difficult because the authority is not justified: there's no explanation, not even an imperfect one. We're instead told to just suck it up instead of hearing, "hey, yeah, you got a point." or even just engaging the discussion. Let it be the other way around. You go try to think if there's something that you both could agree as justified for a rule. If such a thing isn't there, then no need for the rule. Good authority doesn't flow from "because I say so", but from clear and justifiable rules.
I'm not going to mask myself because others refuse to take others into account. I have plenty of good interaction when I am not forced into masking, and less when I have to mask.
Let me ask you a question. Have you ever gone through what your son is going through with you now? Should a good parent not want to try to understand their child instead, rather than to force their own norms onto their descendant?
When you tell your autistic child to mask you’re encouraging them to make their mental health worse: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/13623613251353358
Framing things this way is a big mistake and I don't see why it isn't more obvious to people that it's a mistake. You want someone you care about to believe that there is a binary choice between a sustainable existence and resolving their emotional needs? You couldn't make a more persuasive argument for suicidal thinking and self destructive behavior if you tried. And it isn't even true because they are mutually dependent priorities. It took me too many years and therapy to figure this out, you should really consider approaching the issue from a different angle than this one.
Thank you. I'm glad some people realise that telling autistic people to adapt or die is an awful inhumane thing to do.
Because for people like me, that is what you are asking us to do.
"If you don't learn to adopt them you will isolate yourself" might be true if there was 1 neurodivergent person. We are a community and personally I'm not interested in being more than acquaintances if I have to mask around you all the time. That's not a mutually beneficial relationship.
Autistics are constantly told this lie and it completely ignores the fact that there's plenty of other autistics that will understand and accommodate each other's needs.
This is an ableist way to see the world and my lived experience directly contradicts it.
That's awesome. Sadly, it does't apply to their kids PTA, their neighbors or their Jobs.
There is some level of faking and coping that greases the wheels and lets you not have to swim through the raw sewage of every other 'normies' ignorance.
Don't fold in and just give on every thing, but don't die on that fucking hill either.
social norms have reasons as well. you cant just say "because social norms exist" and expect someone to accept that answer as a reason. its basically the same as saying "because everyone says so". so why dont you explain why the particular social norm is one in the first place. if you dont know maybe you need to find out before you try to enforce it on others.
also as an autistic person you shouldn't be encouraging people to mask. that shit is incredibly damaging to people. i masked for most of my life and what people dont see is that i was basically just surviving that whole time. i developed an incredible amount of anxiety, to the point where i couldnt really function in society for more than a few hours at a time before i had to isolate for a day or two to recover. i wore the mask so often for so long i didnt even know who i really was anymore. i didnt start to live until a few years ago when i started making a concerted effort to take off the mask and be myself. and you know what, people fucking accepted me way more than they ever did when i was being fucking fake all the time for the sake of appearances. you might mean well telling your son and all the autists who will see your comment to mask to get by, but all youre doing is fucking hurting them and you need to stop. masking isnt for us, its for you.
Questioning social norms doesn't necessarily makes you an asshole, it depends on how it is approached.
By not defying them we will remain stagnant, imagine the downhill slope we would end up on if no one ever questioned why a man shouldn't love another man or a woman shouldn't love another woman.
People shut you down because many are intolerant to change and have their values under scrutiny is seen as hostile, but that doesn't imply compliance is productive. Of course, you don't want to this all the time, but teaching your kid to repress their displease of social norms doesn't sound good either.
"you are insufferable for asking why"
"you need to mask, to adapt"
😬
Aren't you the guy who thinks some invisible, male entity created the entire universe? Did this male and masculine entity create evil and is he now powerless to stop it? Or is it that this invisible penis having guy actually enjoys the suffering and tortures souls for eternity?
Right lol poor kid. "Don't question anything, just mask and shut up so nobody thinks you're insufferable." Lowkey sounds like what the parent went through and views as the 'normal' way of dealing with being ND.
Perfectly reasonable but let's also recognize that some social norms exist only because of tradition, and are unnecessary & uncomfortable, these social norms need to be questioned & challenged & done away with. When enough people question them and challenge them, and eventually get rid of some unnecessary oppressive social norms, we can continue to evolve as a species.