Neurodivergent individual who used to be the weird kid then wrecked their mental health masking here, trying to shape yourself into something you are not in order to blend in is not sustainable and will leave you burnt out and hating yourself. Try to find your people who feel safe to be around. It's much better for your well-being. It gets easier as you get older and learn to just not give a shit but it's an uphill struggle until you reach that point. Remember that you are not defective, just stuck in a society that is actively hostile to anyone who differs from the norm.