this post was submitted on 30 Aug 2023
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[–] [email protected] 45 points 1 year ago (24 children)

???

Why would she react like that to a phonecall?

[–] [email protected] 98 points 1 year ago (5 children)

Young people don't call unless it's serious business.

Why she reacted like that while also knowing her dad still calls people? No idea

[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 year ago

Not just young people. I've seen this kind of behavior in surprisingly old people such as Gen X and even Baby Boomers, but I've seen it in a LOT of millennials, the youngest of whom are now in their early thirties and the oldest are in their forties.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Not just young people. I am 48, and if I get a call from my mom I would’ve thought something happened to my dad.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yep. Basically any generation that grew up with texting and chat kinda leans this way... so millennials and younger. But also some gen x.

Phone calls are for things that can't wait and need the other person to drop what they're doing, and things urgent like that tend to be medical or work stuff. Or things time sensitive in another way.

Demanding the other person stop what they're doing to attend to you immediately is considered kinda rude for minor topics when such an easy and less pushy alternative is available.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Yep same. I text and Snapchat with my mom daily. If she calls, shit went down.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

Lmao this thread is so weird to read. My parents call me all the time to ask how I am. I also call them. And my friend from time to time and he calls me. Samesies for my fiancée. Normal stuff.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

I'm not young and I prefer a text over very unnecessary long and drawn out phone calls.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Hmm, I wonder if it could a cultural thing?

I'm a millennial in Sweden and I have not experienced this phenomenon unless the person suffers social anxiety, though I must admit I have little contact with people under 25.

To me a call is convenient when I'm biking or working with my hands, and I can't tell you how many times a simple phonecall spared me endless back and forth over text or e-mail.

Maybe I'm desensitized since I constantly receive and make calls at work.

[–] [email protected] 51 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Because phonecalls are reserved for when you immediately with no delay need someone.

Asking about a show is not one of those cases.

[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 year ago (5 children)

Or just want to talk to someone? Why are we simultaneously normalizing anti-social behavior and wondering why the young people are so unhappy?

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Why not text 'wanna talk sometime'? A call demands an immediate response, so reserve it for things that demand immediate responses.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (4 children)

No it doesn't. Just don't pick up the phone. If it's important they'll text you to pick up the phone. There's a reason the terms "phone tag" and "screening calls" exist.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (2 children)

But you don't know the relative importance of what they're telling vs what you're doing. A text gives more information than just seeing your receiving a call.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

That’s why people leave voicemails… you leave a verbal note of why you’re calling. And if the receiver prefers to read a text about it, several services transcribe voicemails automatically good enough to get the general gist. Or they can listen to them.

The point is that people usually don’t set out to ruin your day or misbehave, and you cannot control other people’s experience, expectations and preferences, only your own. So it’s on you to know yourself well enough to manage your boundaries appropriately with technology/tools, and possibly communication, and not to blame other people for “missteps”. When what they are doing is likely perfectly within the realm of reason to them.

Especially if they have a disability and calls are easier for them. If you have the disability, you can communicate your preferences but don’t expect people to know immediately. Set up your tech accordingly to communicate your needs. And acclimate where you can.

If things “escalate”.. well… it’s likely your fault. We always need to look at our part first.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Nothing good ever came out of a voicemail I received. Disabled and wont enable again. Text me if it's important enough for me to call back with a brief topic. I don't call back if I don't get a text, that's reserved for maybe 5 people on earth.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

Great. That’s your boundary. Sounds like you have disabled them permanently. I’m saying that people should use tools, and communication when necessary, to exercise their own boundaries, like you, rather than make meanings or assumptions, or expect others to be mindreaders.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

And if the receiver prefers to read a text about it, several services transcribe voicemails automatically good enough to get the general gist.

I use these. But they're less direct and easier to misunderstand than if it was native text. If someone wants to say it, they can voice type as well.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

I actually agree with you on that one. I hate voicemail. If I don't pick up, shoot me a text or send a voice recording through the messaging app.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I don't even get how voicemail works, last time I checked there was like 6 "unread" voicemails from months ago I never knew I'd gotten and it was just my mom saying "please call me back" or some inaudible noise and figuring out how to delete them is a pain too.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That sounds like something pretty heavily in the "you problem" zone. If it's going to be acceptable to look down on folks who don't understand stuff like chat apps, not understanding voicemail is still "oh god i am not good with technology how did i get here"

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Damn dude, it's not that big a deal. Just don't pick up the phone. If it's important they'll find a way to let you know.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

if you don't pick up they'll get mad and say you never pick up your phone

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (5 children)

I don't mind much. I just don't call because it wastes people's time. But I don't want to let it go to voice mail because then it wastes their time.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You will feel terrible if you don't pick up the phone and it turns out to be something important, like being able to hear the last words of your grandma or something.

Texting is a lot less of a big deal than a phone call is.

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (6 children)

Or, you know, you could just talk to a person on the phone.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Unless you know for sure that the other person is legitimately bored, sitting around not doing anything, imposing yourself on someone like this is rude.

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

Maybe this is just me and my circle but if someone just wants to talk I'd typically expect that more over discord or something like that rather than phone call unless they're older.

Other than that phone call is for urgent stuff or something that's going to have a lot of back and forth and is quicker pver phone.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Sure, my work uses discord, and I know friends that use it. But my family doesn't. Plus, if you do sales, or job searching, or anything that involves talking to people for work who don't directly work for your company then Discord is a little awkward. A phone or zoom call is better.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago (5 children)

So when you "just want to talk" you call someone out of the blue and just expect them to stop what they're doing and have a little chat? I had a friend like that and I hated it because they always called at the worst moments so I wouldn't pick up and then they assumed I disliked them and played the victim by a mutual friend. That's when I actually started disliking them. So don't randomly call people please thank you.

Also texting someone instead of talking isn't antisocial behaviour. You can say as much in a text as you can say in a call and the other person can reply to your text and continue doing what they're doing at the same time.

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

In our family it looks exactly like this, that's why I found it very funny :)

We usually just chat (or videochat) and when f.e. dad randomly calls me then it's some serious business. And for that brief moment my mind jumps to most catastrophic scenarios why he could be calling me. And I think it goes both ways because when I call dad the first question usually is "Hi, did something happen?"

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I react this way when my mom calls because she never calls me and the one time she did, it was because my grandmother died.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

For real, the last 2 times my mom called me was to tell me my dad had a heart attack and that my nephew died, so I 100% expect something like that if she calls me.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

I can see why you'd fear phone calls then. In my family I get a call from my dad about once a week to ask about my day. Usually the family texts more in the mornings, and more phone calls in the evening. Plus for a while I had to pick up the phone anytime someone called for work reasons. You just get used to it after a while.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago

Crippling socal anxiety

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