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this post was submitted on 09 Feb 2026
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Slop.
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For posting all the anonymous reactionary bullshit that you can't post anywhere else.
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there's people in that thread saying every single thing I heard from people in real life when I finally came out as ace. Like that I simply have a personality disorder, that I should see a doctor, that I'm simply latching onto an identity to seem quirky. I'm nonbinary too (amab, kinda androgynous, leaning agender) so that makes it even more of a thing to scoff at for a lot of supposed allies I've had. Like yeah I know that my queerness is kinda invisible and that I don't go through the same issues as someone who's estranged from their parents for being gay, and I don't have to deal with a heteronormative medical industry that acts as a barrier to transitioning. I know I don't face the same kind of bigotry but for me that just means I should be an even stronger ally and support queer people even more, right? Not question everyone's credentials for not being queer enough
Like I think asexuality is probably the most socially accepted queer identity because I think most people just assume ace folk are straight. Is that really acceptance though?
The assumption is ace-ness is heterosexuality waiting to be unfurled or something, it's really gross. Or that you're just a damaged straight. I've only been openly ace for like 2 years now and even the minor amounts of social tension I've gotten have been enough for me to start feeling uneasy around cishet folk.
cw: abuse
when I came out as ace, like formally told people that I've figured out something important about myself, the only positive responses I got were from other queer folk. Every cishet person I knew simply didn't understand, or just wanted to pathologize and/or mock me. Some people in that thread are saying that ace people are the result of people whose only sexual encounters have been assault. I got that too, I directly got asked by family members if I had been sexually assaulted and if that's the reason I don't want to be with anyone. I think gay people often get that too. I also got asked things like...if I had problems masturbating, if I ever got injured in my genitals, blah blah blah. Like I got asked about the masturbation thing by people I barely knew. I fucking hate how the average person in America seems to think any queer person has to answer questions about their junk. Trans people have to deal with random questions by folk about what sort of bottom surgery they've gotten. Like just because I have an ace pin on my bag does not mean my coworkers get to suddenly ask about like...what porn I look at or if a babysitter ever assaulted me or if I can even orgasm. Ahhhhhhhhh
yeah so I love my queer comrades and I hope y'all can stay strong. I got a lil emotional reading that thread since it's like a confluence of every person I've encountered after coming out as ace. If you relate to anything I said just know you're valuable and you're not alone. I love my hexbear y'all
Yeah people are way too comfortable getting all up in others' business. They aren't entitled to shit. I have an aunt nearing retirement who as far as I know isn't a lesbian and I've never heard of her having a male partner, I never thought to inquire but an uncle kind of made a snide remark about her being a rumored virgin. Or for example how family members think they can just get in people's business about if/when they plan to have kids and if they don't like they answer they'll expect a lengthy discourse. Oh, and god forbid a woman says she's not planning on having children. And that is before we're talking about coworkers or random strangers. Big ol' case a' nunya bizniz.
...which makes it all the more bitterly ironic when ace people get accused of "co-opting queer identity" (as a bi man who uncontroversially falls under the LGBT umbrella, anyone who levels that accusation at ace people can fuck right off).
People getting hung up on aces just proves how queerphobia is about the desire to control others. It’s the least visible, least “asking” form of LGBTQIA+ identity. No impacts to marriage or bathroom usage, no “passing” element, hell if anything the message to kids (you don’t need to date or have sex to be valid) is in line with the “traditional” attitude towards youth sexuality. But no, they can’t suffer anyone living outside of the same narrow box they live in.