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My therapist says she might have to report my abusive family to the authorities. How do I avoid being reported so the cops don't show up and make everything worse? (lemmy.world)

submitted 15 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago) by sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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I (23M) started therapy today, hooray!

Only problem is, my family is too goddamn spicy. Once I got into my brother's (25M) increasingly homicidal fantasies and animal killings, she stopped me before I mentioned the threats he made to kill people and told me that she is a mandated reporter and has an obligation to report certain situations to the authorities.

I think adding police to the equation will make everything worse and immediately paint a target on my back because I am the only one who would ever disclose the violence that happens under this roof. It might result in me being homeless if I have to flee for my life. I live in Ohio and it's the middle of winter, so not a great start.

I wanted to work with a therapist because I grew up in this place and it traumatized me so badly that I'm scared of leaving this dump (not to mention, I have disabilities now that make that difficult). How much will I have to tiptoe around here? Is merely being afraid that someone will use violence against me reportable? What about if they fantasize about murder and domestic terrorism? What about violent crimes that they committed in the past? Or specific threats in the present?

Is therapy just not the right fit for this kind of thing? Did I end up with a heavy duty "fuck you" problem and therapy is just for "I feel sad sometimes" problems? It feels like bullshit to have to self-censor so much just because things were harder for me. How is throwing cops at the problem supposed to help when there is no universal basic sustenance or housing for the victims to escape to?

What are your experiences with mandated reporting, and how do you avoid triggering it?

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[-] fizzle@quokk.au 23 points 13 hours ago

Rather than seeking to avoid reporting, your objective is really to find an alternative living situation.

You had some great responses when you asked about this before, like this one:

https://sh.itjust.works/post/52834885/23007083

Did you follow up on any of that ?

[-] sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world 12 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago)

This reply heavily deterred me from making it my go-to choice, and I haven't seen anyone refute it:

https://sh.itjust.works/post/52834885/23011371

The entire system of shelter and aid for the homeless and at risk and domestic abuse victims and all that, broadly, its completely collapsing right now.

Trump’s having FEMA build comcentration camps for the homeless, that’s the new ‘model’.

Realistic advice for this person would be to find some friend or extended family member they can stay with for a while, there’s almost 0 chance that any of the organizations listed out in the comprehensive top reply will do anything other than waste this person’s time with intake procedures and then not actually be able to help them meaningfully.

I'm not going to completely discount these resources, but I'm looking at relationships with other people for Plan A. I'm working on getting outside of my comfort zone and figuring out how to get to places on my own so I can meet new people and become half-decent at connecting with them.

Life at home is mostly cold dullness punctuated by sudden flashes of violence. Months can go by without anything happening. But something will happen eventually. Things are in a cold period right now and I've had more time to think. I'm doing therapy to help me feel empowered to take measured steps to leave (and create a good emergency plan, which will involve contacting the shelters).

I think you have a good point though: I'm sort of tunnel-visioning on this mandatory reporting thing when I should be focused on creating an emergency plan that I can feel confident about. That way, if what I fear does come to pass, I'll know exactly what to do instead of panicking. I'm falling back on old patterns where I waste my time worrying about bad things happening instead of taking actual steps to prepare for when they inevitably do. Thanks for calling that out.

I've been finding that trauma literally makes me stupid. It locks me into myopic fear-based thought patterns that don't actually help and just keep me trapped for longer. People here are probably going to get frustrated because they want to help, but they see me making stupid decisions or focusing on the wrong things. I think I need to listen to them even if they're mean about it, because the alternative is spiraling into the same logic that kept me complacent for years.

[-] fizzle@quokk.au 11 points 11 hours ago

I’ve been finding that trauma literally makes me stupid. It locks me into myopic fear-based thought patterns that don’t actually help and just keep me trapped for longer.

Could it be that this dynamic has prevented you from contacting those organisations who literally exist to help you?

That commenter saying "its all collapsing", might be right, and perhaps no one is able to help you. However, they could also be wrong, and those organisations are ready and willing to help.

To set your expectations, there's probably not going to be a nice comfy free hotel room set up waiting for you. You'll probably be assigned a case officer who will be able to give you strategies to manage the problems you're facing, while you're waiting for accommodation to become available.

[-] sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world 4 points 10 hours ago

Could it be that this dynamic has prevented you from contacting those organisations who literally exist to help you?

Definitely. My mind has tried as hard as possible to convince itself that nobody in the real world cares about me or wants to help me. And therefore there are no social programs, public services, or mutual aid groups because Republicans nuked them all or something. Going to see a therapist IRL was the first time I challenged that core belief. It turns out that good people exist and they want to help me because I'm human. I'm going to need more exposure than that to rewire my bullshit gut instinct, which is why I'm pushing myself to go out to socialize and use public services. I think that the ability to ask for and accept help is key to getting out of here, so it's no wonder why my abusers aggressively push the idea that help doesn't exist.

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this post was submitted on 05 Feb 2026

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