My paternal grandfather used to say, "jam a ham bone up my ass and let the dogs drag me away."

I never got a satisfactory explanation for what the purpose of the ham bone was, but I'm not going to kink shame.

I found out about burial at sea, and I like the idea. Just arrange for a deep-sea fishing charter with a cooperative skipper. Family gets a fun fishing trip, and you save a bit on chum.

Unfortunately, my wife doesn't like being in water where she can't touch the bottom with her toe, so I don't think it will happen.

For the record, my grandfather's actual instructions were that he should be cremated and disposed of with no funeral or notice to anyone. My father and grandmother disregarded his instructions slightly by arranging for our immediate family to get together, see his body, and say goodbye in the funeral home prior to his cremation.

It was honestly the least disturbing dead body I've ever seen. He looked dead, but he looked normal. It was not unpleasant. 10/10 would recommend. I've been to a lot of funerals where the made-up appearance of the deceased was just traumatically disturbing.