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Okay, how the fuck do I stop comparing myself to other women? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 6 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) by VerilyFemme@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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Seriously. It's kinda hitting hard right now.

I guess I've always had body image issues; I think the whole going through male puberty thing does that. But they've really started getting bad this week.

I've kind of gotten past the whole comparing myself to AFAB people thing, because I want to have a realistic mindset about transitioning. I guess that's how I logic'd my way out of this feeling until now.

This is going to sound ridiculous, but I saw a trans woman earlier this week with just an amazing figure. Historically, I'm bisexual; So I have, like, feelings toward women, dude. But instead of any type of attraction, all I felt was a deep sense of never being able to make it to the point where she's gotten. Of never being beautiful.

Which is probably a load of baloney, but what's the difference between never being beautiful and never feeling beautiful?

I'm not in a state where I'm spiraling, but I do feel a little bit like a teenage girl and I'm frustrated that I'm not able to get past this. Obviously, I'm self-critical as hell. Ya'll have any experience/advice you can share?

EDIT: I'm so sorry, I should have prefaced with this. I'm married and I have a super supportive wife who makes me feel loved every day. I'm not like in a super dark place. But that doesn't stop the body image issues. I guess I don't necessarily trust her, or even other people, when they say I look good? This may just need hella therapy.

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[-] Domi@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 5 days ago

I experience that same feeling. Before I cracked, i thought this was just sortof sexual or physical attraction but now I realise that a huge amount of the of the way I felt looking at women was some kind of envy of their aesthetic and nothing to do with sexuality or attraction (don't get me wrong, still very much attracted to women, i just never realised that there were two seperate feelings happening and that it's perfectly possible to feel one without the other).

I don't know if these match your experience but things I've been trying to focus on:

  1. Remembering that basically every straight, cis woman in my life has expressed to me that they feel that same way about other women (comparing, envy, self-doubt etc). It's just a really common experience. Most women feel it. I'm certain men feel it too, but it's harder for them to talk about maybe? I never felt envy for another man's appearance (surprise surprise) but I don't doubt that they do feel it.

  2. The level of self-hatred I experienced when I looked down at my unaltered testosterone body is so much worse than any feelings of inadequacy i have when i compare myself with other women. As other commenters have mentioned, I've been trying to only compare myself with my past self. The bar for that is so low that I win every time :).

  3. Realising that whatever I want to look like, however far away i might feel from that, I can actually make small changes all over the place (tattoos, piercings, makeup, jewellery, clothing, hair styling, hair removal, etc.) that make me like my appearance more than I did before. It might never be exactly what I want, but I think I'd internalised this silly idea that I should just have to play the cards I was dealt and try to accept everything as it was. The small wins are great and worth it.

[-] VerilyFemme@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 4 days ago

That's really good advice! There's no way to see my progress if I only look at other people.

[-] Domi@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 4 days ago

Disclaimer: I have no fucking clue what I'm doing.

[-] birdwing@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 3 days ago

Disclaimer 2: Anybody saying they do is either expertful or a liar.

this post was submitted on 31 Jan 2026
58 points (100.0% liked)

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