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Okay, how the fuck do I stop comparing myself to other women? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 6 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) by VerilyFemme@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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Seriously. It's kinda hitting hard right now.

I guess I've always had body image issues; I think the whole going through male puberty thing does that. But they've really started getting bad this week.

I've kind of gotten past the whole comparing myself to AFAB people thing, because I want to have a realistic mindset about transitioning. I guess that's how I logic'd my way out of this feeling until now.

This is going to sound ridiculous, but I saw a trans woman earlier this week with just an amazing figure. Historically, I'm bisexual; So I have, like, feelings toward women, dude. But instead of any type of attraction, all I felt was a deep sense of never being able to make it to the point where she's gotten. Of never being beautiful.

Which is probably a load of baloney, but what's the difference between never being beautiful and never feeling beautiful?

I'm not in a state where I'm spiraling, but I do feel a little bit like a teenage girl and I'm frustrated that I'm not able to get past this. Obviously, I'm self-critical as hell. Ya'll have any experience/advice you can share?

EDIT: I'm so sorry, I should have prefaced with this. I'm married and I have a super supportive wife who makes me feel loved every day. I'm not like in a super dark place. But that doesn't stop the body image issues. I guess I don't necessarily trust her, or even other people, when they say I look good? This may just need hella therapy.

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[-] birdwing@lemmy.blahaj.zone 22 points 6 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

For me, what I usually do is try to focus on comparing myself with my previous me instead. I won't turn into a supermodel. But neither are most men, women, and enbies. They turn into themselves.

For me the important thing is passing and feeling comfortable in my own body. I might look more like my mum, and that's alright.

There are some things though, that one could do to help. Exercise, like squatting, is great for the butt. Running for the legs. Foodwise, in the first few months, I basically focused on eating a bit more (especially nuts, vegetables, chocolate, fruit, carbs, diary, yoghurt), and burning it once or twice every week. That helps the fat redistribution faster.

EDIT: HRT takes a lot of time to work, just like puberty. Expect 2 years for the 'main' results, even stretching to 5 or longer for boobs. (And for the T-taking people lurking here, body hair can also likewise take 5+ years to grow). This site's got good info.

If you wish for surgery, that is also valid - but also a different beast. So, take the time to think about why you want it, what you would need to do, and note it down for yourself. Either way, you rock and good luck!

[-] calliope@retrolemmy.com 10 points 6 days ago

This is really great advice.

I would add that I think it’s actually harmful to compare yourself to other people. I told an (amazing) boss of mine that I was comparing myself to other people and she said “aaah, the old ‘compare and despair.’”

Her putting it so plainly made me realize that you literally can’t compare yourself accurately with other people. You can only compare you to your previous self.

The other quote I think about a lot is from Theolonious Monk, who said “a genius is the one most like himself.” Replace “himself” with any other pronoun and it’s just as true.

[-] VerilyFemme@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 4 days ago

I've heard it as "comparison is the thief of joy," but rhyming is way better.

this post was submitted on 31 Jan 2026
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