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I never had any heroes or role models in my life (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I'm a 40-year old dude with... let's say, plenty of issues. Most of them stemming from childhood but adulthood has been equally painful so far.

I've been looking into self-help a lot lately and notice that many techniques tell you to focus on a person whom you consider an example, a role model you want to emulate.

The problem is, I don't have any. None. My own father was an abusive alcoholic who offed himself when I was 15. My mother did her best but was a neurotic wreck with many untreated mental health issues of her own. She eventually found a new partner whom I looked up to for many years since he was finally that role model I thought I needed.

But a few years ago he tried to seduce my own partner (which luckily didn't succeed), resulting in my esteem for him immediately imploding completely.

In the greater world, outside of my own little atmosphere, there aren't really any actors or business people or coworkers, bosses, teachers... that I've looked up to or ever had any kind of relationship with. Sure, there are many people I admire for whatever they may have contributed to humanity, but that doesn't mean they're some kind of shining example in every area of their lives.

I guess I'm just trying to communicate that I'm a 40-year old dude with daddy issues and I have no idea how to healthily cope with it or even fix it.

Before anyone asks, I'm on a waiting list for professional treatment. Been a month, 5 more to go (in a best case scenario).

How did others cope with this specifically? Did you have any insights in what ideas to emulate or how to handle certain difficulties in life through the lens of a mentor? Is it even desirable or is it just another crutch for the weak-minded to cope with, well, being weak-minded?

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Don't think of who to look up to, think about who you want to be. You clearly know what is right or wrong. Aim to be the guy you want to. Don't like cheating? Don't cheat. Like honesty? Be honest. The plus side is it is simple, you know what is right and you learn to respect yourself. Also be honest with your self and willing to learn and improve.

A book I found nice was No More Mr Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover. The focus is on living by your integrity etc.