askchapo

My best friend in the whole world was a feminist and she taught me everything I know. I remember her voice, her smile and her frowns too. Everything that all you fuckers talk about, she was telling me to my face and I remember nearly every word. I just didn't listen.

She passed away from cancer nearly a decade ago now and its still a pain point for my grief. I straight up ghosted her/ignored her every plea to talk. My friends nearly dropped me because of it. I've cried endless times over the way I treated her. I was a reactionary piece of shit. The exact opposite of what she wanted and it probably hurt her inside so much. I can't even imagine it without crying.

I was able to say my goodbyes before she passed but it was hollow because of my heartlessness. My big sister could barely say goodbye (physically and emotionally) and here I am full of life ahead of me and I couldn't even feel anything when we talked. I regret every single moment of that goodbye because I wish I never did it in the first place.

I am not that person anymore and I know for a fact she knows it. I smile when I think lf her now because I know she'd be proud of the man I've become. Every single word that she spoke fuels my convinction even to this day.

I mentioned she was my best friend in the whole word. While that's true, she was more than that. She was a sparkling radiance. She was my older sister most of all and I will never not tell people that.