this post was submitted on 25 Jun 2023
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Creative

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I do, most of the time. I've always felt creative, I always have thousands of ideas and concepts for anything, be it a drawing, a song or a text of any kind, but regardless of what it is, anytime I sit down and try to make something I hate it, I hate it so deeply it disgusts me and kills any will to continue whatever it is I'm doing.

I tried to write some lyrics some days ago, it felt okay-ish until I wnt back and read it, at which point it feelt as if I was seeing someone else in the mirror: all the things, the ideas, the feelings I thought I put in it just aren't there. It feels hollow, alien, repulsive.

I know I can't be good as a beginner, but I've been a beginner in everything since I was a kid. And I kept trying and trying and trying, and every time I felt that feeling of disgust and repulsion, outrage even. I just can't stand it anymore, and maybe "art", or rather artistic self-expression, isn't my thing? Maybe I keep trying to open a door that simply isn't the one I'm supposed to open?

Did you ever feel this way and overcame it? I don't even care about making whatever I make public, I just want to feel as if I gave shape to something I thought or felt.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 years ago

I'm a professional artist, and TBH, I want to burn every painting I make after the first layer. Like anything else, one just has to trust the process and do the work. If you work in oils it's a little more expensive for material, but it takes a few days for the layers to dry, so you have plenty of time to make sure you like the decisions you made.

Observe.