this post was submitted on 17 Aug 2023
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Autism
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Emotions take energy, and we all seem to have a limited amount of energy to expend throughout the day, week, or month. But it also seems like it can be practiced and you can build emotional endurance, utilizing different tools that mental health experts have developed, to help extend your limits and prevent you sometimes from feeling completely drained. It does take practice! And some days you'll be affected by things that are just simply beyond your control, such as unexpected interactions and hormones, etc. I've personally found that medication for anxiety helps me to limit the amount of energy I'm expending on emotions because I'm no longer reacting as strongly to everything and being in a constant state of fight or flight, which allowed me the time and space to build my endurance in a healthier way, but it's going to be different for everyone just due to genetics and environment and lifestyle, etc. What you describe specifically sounds a lot like depression, from my own experiences, but you know yourself best. Have you been able to speak with any mental health professionals about your concerns?
Oh yes. I have been in therapy, which has expanded the meter from one day to three days, barring any major life events. I am also on Zoloft which has been a major help in emotional regulation. My therapist doesn't think that I will ever be able to get rid of the Feeling Things Meter entirely, but are hoping to expand it. Personally I'd be happy with a week long meter.
It can be so frustrating because it feels like any number of factors can be the culprit, from consuming certain drugs or alcohol which can impact sleep, which can then impact how your body and mind process and break things down, from natural hormone cycles, from unexpected life events that require more in-depth engagement than the usual routine, from what kind of food you're consuming and the sugar/fat/etc. content, to how often you are getting exercise and moving your body around... It's impossible to have a perfect and consistent day, week, month, or year, but it's possible to give yourself patience and kindness and the mindfulness to realize "well, today perhaps I hit my limit early due to factors beyond my control" and that's totally okay. There are days and even weeks when I feel great throughout and can feel on top of my social and productivity game, and, more often than not, there are days where I just can't convince myself to get out of bed, can't convince myself to get off the couch, can't see any reason to socialize or make healthy food choices or be productive, and sometimes that's okay, sometimes you just gotta be patient with yourself and do something that makes you feel comfortable and not stress out about what's "normal" or "right." We only get the one life, so I believe that instead of worrying if we fit the mold properly it's better to just do what makes us feel good and doesn't make the world worse to live in, if we can. I hope you can reach your goal of a week long meter some day!! But don't beat yourself up if it feels like you aren't making the progress you want all the time ❤️