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Anon ups his fibre intake (slrpnk.net)
submitted 1 year ago by to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
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[–] 104 points 1 year ago (23 children)

I was literally in tears while reading this holy shit. It makes me think of the sugar free gummy bear story 😭

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  • [–] 21 points 1 year ago (13 children)

    What story is that?

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  • [–] 39 points 1 year ago* (1 child)

    Haribo released some sugar free gummy bears, and apparently the artificial sweetener they used to make them wreaks havoc on most people’s digestion. The Amazon listing was filled with reviews graphically detailing the effects.

    I think this is the most famous.

    They have apparently changed the recipe since then.

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  • [–] 20 points 1 year ago (6 children)

    Apparently some artificial sweeteners can act as a laxative. So effectively, those gummy bears were strong laxatives, leading to anybody who eats one to have to spend a long time on the toilet.

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  • [–] 17 points 1 year ago (3 children)

    The artificial sweetener in question is maltitol.

    Also, under no circumstances should you ever use it to make jello shots and give them to your asshole neighbor for the party they're about to host

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  • [–] 1 point 1 year ago (2 children)

    I thought it was xylitol?

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago

    No, maltitol is the one that gives everyone the immediate shits.

    Personally, I use erythritol as a sugar replacer. While it can cause some bowel activity in large amounts, it takes a few hours to kick in and is more akin to eating a bunch of fiber

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  • [–] 13 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    Or the amazon rebiew feom the guy who tired to use some hair removal cream on his balls and ended up on the kitchen floor in agony, shoving frozen brussel sprouts covered in ice cream up his ass and moaning from the relief while his daughter and wife watched it horror.

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  • [–] 8 points 1 year ago (5 children)

    Only thing that’s got me better is the beans story.

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  • [–] 1 point 1 year ago (4 children)

    This isn't real, you're just baiting because it's lemmy... Right? ....Right?

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago (3 children)

    I did choose my wording purposefully due to our relationship with beans, but I assure you it’s real and worth finding

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  • [–] 1 point 1 year ago (2 children)

    There's too many beans stories and search sucks these days... I just went on a tangent and read my daily limit of green texts

    It is fun to know there's a story out there I've yet to come across though, I'm sure I'll stumble upon it someday

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  • [–] 5 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    Apologies friend, I'm having trouble finding it myself. But it's a longer, more elaborate version of the "this nigga eating beans" meme that really punches it up with that greentext storytelling flair. If I ever find it again, I'll post it here in your honor.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 year ago

    When ChatGPT was new, I had it rewrite that story in the style of Stephen King. I remember it ended with something like, "And in that theater, some say they can still hear the sound of a fork scraping the inside of a can of beans."

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