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this post was submitted on 12 Jun 2025
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No Stupid Questions
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No such thing. Ask away!
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Learning how to do small talk will improve your social, economic, and relationship opportunities in countless ways.
Asking people questions about themselves makes them think of you as likable.
Remember the acronym f o r d: Family Occupation Recreation Dreams
Small talk can be learned and getting in some more practice might make it bearable, perhaps even enjoyable.
When you are running out of topics keep the acronym above in mind and ask a question related to one of those topics. Something like this example:
Q: So, have you always lived in (wherever you are)?
However they reply, follow up with it positive and encouraging response such as: "ah you're a long timer. I thought there weren't too many of us left!" and then go right into a follow up Q also related to the acronym but now attached to the new information you have such as: is your family from this area too? What brought you here initially? What do you do for work? Hey since you've been here so long, what do you think about (insert local drama that's been in the news).
The goal isn't to interrogate, but to smoothly and rapidly sort through topics until you find commonalities. Then you can lift off and the conversation will feel very natural and easy.
I heard about this 20 some years ago and have used it at the start and end of business meetings, on first dates, with strangers, and heck sometimes even with my friends if we're catching up and I want to cover things that are core to them.
Also, psych nurse protip - this is how you use this to talk someone out of a panic attack. Use the above conversation template plus the following nonverbals / paraverbals:
start by reducing stimuli (think five senses!). Reduce the noise and lights, and try to get away from any particularly offensive smells or sensations.
you can try to get the crowds and stimuli out of the area, but it will probably be easier to move the person panicking. Getting crowds of people to do things is very tricky. It's usually just easier to move the one person.
talk at about half to a quarter of your usual speed and volume
use common English words (no SAT vocab). Enunciate clearly, and don't use more than one conjunction / more than two ideas per sentence. Their brain can't chew / digest as much as all at once.
Do not stand directly in front of them and especially do not corner them. If you feel unsafe you can still stay closer to the door than they are but try to stand slightly to the side to give them line of sight to it.
if you want to practice / really up your game, learn to deepen your pitch slightly / resonate / speak from your chest while still keeping your volume down. Imagine James Earl Jones reading a meditation script on YouTube. This has an added benefit if you work with seniors, most age-related hearing loss is in the upper pitch ranges.