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this post was submitted on 03 Jun 2025
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No Stupid Questions
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Most of the advice here has been good, apart from ~~one person~~ a few dicks who have an overly simplistic view of the world and think they have some moral authority
You don't know the details of your parents' relationship. You don't know how they behaved when you weren't there
Life is never black-and-white. This isn't condoning cheating, it's an acknowledgement that it's very simple to say what's right and wrong when you are on the outside
What's shit is that you are being put in the middle
The problem is between your mother and father and neither of them should expect you to take a side, but once again, life is messy and hurt people do things in their anger and frustration that aren't rational or reasonable
Time definitely helps, and things can take years to settle, if they ever do
It's unfair for you to be used as a pawn in their game. People who make demands and try to squeeze you with a "you're with me, or you're against me" aren't looking out for you, they're looking out for themselves
No child should be weaponised.
If you can handle the conflict, or potentially messy details, you can ask her why she expects you to abandon your father. She might come to realise what an unfair position she's putting you in
Either way, good luck, and remember that it's easy to judge, but there's a lot of truth in the old saying about walking a mile in someone else's shoes
Kia kaha
The problem with this ~~dicks~~ fine persons arguement is your choosing sides either way. Its unfortunate but true. And do you want to stand on the side of the person who didn't cheat, or the one who did
Inaction is still an action
One side it trying to force them to choose a side. It is up to adults to say "this is between us, and our relationship doesn't change your relationships."
OP could be very supportive of their mother and still not want to move out of the home they already lived in. But it doesn't sound like the mom wants to let OP do that.
Also, from their other comments, their father has been more supportive through their life while their mom has been cold and judgemental. Trying to force her child into a position whete they are expected to mete out judgement as well just emphasizes that they aren't terribly concerned with the well-being of their child.
And anyway, if you want support, you should give support. And OPs mom missed that boat, so it makes sense for OP to stay with the parent who supported them.
Eh. As an adult I get to fully choose which side I'm on. And going off of the facts I had at the time, id choose the side of not being with a cheating power abuser
But since more facts have been stated besides just i dont feel like it, its easier to pick a diffrent side.
This wasn't cheater vs homophobe at first