And somehow every single time the problem was so easy to solve, but apparently crying about it is the better solution.
this post was submitted on 06 May 2025
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From a quick search it seems that the mobo uses a Realtek audio chip, which is probably the actual problem. My current system build uses one and it barely worked under Windows, it'd randomly remap the channels, sometimes it just wouldn't come up properly (Showed as only a microphone, etc.), had lots of static noise, would constantly think I was unplugging and replugging headphones in, etc. Just a terrible experience compared to the Intel audio system the build before this used.
As much as "just buy another bit of hardware" is an awful bit of advice, I'd recommend getting a USB DAC/soundcard, I bought a cheap soundblaster one and it fixed all my problems. USB audio is a well-defined standardised protocol that's supported by just about everything, does away with any driver issues or incompatibilities, can be moved between devices, etc. Mine's a "gaming" model so it's just a USB port on one side and a headset jack on the other, but you can also get ones with proper inbuilt amplifiers to run full speaker kits, etc.