You have to talk to them and admit they're human beings worth talking to. You have to believe they act the way they do because of a deep pain, and you have to imagine what it's like to feel such pain. And you have to accept that doing so is dangerous because you can't trust them. Without a faith to guide you this sounds impossible. And it leaves us trying to engineer solutions that make things worse. I don't have any answers either, I just wanted you to try to realize how painful it is to hear good people suggesting evil things.
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