Gradually_Adjusting comments on The ADHD Iceberg

The ADHD Iceberg (lemy.lol)

submitted 2 years ago by perry@lemy.lol to c/adhd@lemmy.dbzer0.com

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Source: https://dice.camp/@Da_Gut/113314558333947531

An outline two dimensional image of an iceberg, with the following text: THE ADHD ICEBERG. WHAT PEOPLE THINK ADHD IS: trouble focusing, fidgeting. (The following is below the waterline, and thus hidden). WHAT ADHD ACTUALLY IS: difficulty maintaining relationships, depression, difficulty following and maintaining conversations, sensory processing disorder, financial problems, anxiety, uncontrollable fidgeting, hyperfixations, poor sense of time, 'all or nothing', trouble recalling commonly used words, sleeping problems, auditory processing disorder, mood swings, inability to focus even if there are no distractions, executive dysfunction, poor impulse control, rejective sensitive dysphoria, forgetting to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, losing items relentlessly, difficulty switching tasks or inability to stick to one, problems focusing on things even if they are of interest, choice paralysis, trouble regulating emotions, chronic unemployment, forgetting thoughts 0.2 seconds after having them

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[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago (16 children)

I feel terrible for my kid. It's really rough to every day see jokes about how doomed he is.

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[–] Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 24 points 2 years ago* (6 children)

I'd like to note that users here are adults, a lot of whom didn't get ADHD support as children. Some of us weren't diagnosed until adulthood. Others of us were diagnosed, but had parents who "don't believe in" insert-scientific-fact-here. Many of us are behind in life now due to a lack of support during crucial years. These memes aren't an end-all, be-all of ADHD, but a way for all of us to find humor in our predicaments.

As someone who had parents in denial, I hope it brings you comfort to know that acknowledging and supporting your child is giving him a huge leg-up compared to many of us here. You won't mislabel your kid as "lazy" and burden him with poor self-esteem about it, the way many of us were treated. Add in the benefits of tech, like having programmable timers, alarms, and reminders, and your kid already has tons more support than many of us did growing up.

You're doing good, Mom/Dad/Parent. You're providing your kid with the what he needs to do better than the generation before him. That is progress, and that is awesome.

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[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago (4 children)

Thanks, that's what we're working toward. I appreciate the encouragement though. We hold him to a high standard, but we also support him in every way we can. He still struggles, but he willingly reads more than most adults I know. It kills me to think of anyone as bright and kind as him not getting the support they need. It's still a daily struggle, but he has more good moments than bad and ADHDers I know recall being "essentially feral" at his age.

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[–] Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago (3 children)

he willingly reads more than most adults I know.

I love this. Not just for the obvious ("kid likes reading") but because we live in a society of "TL;DR" and it never made much sense to me. Even with ADHD, I prefer long-form messages and social media that doesn't have a character limit. The rise of "TL;DR" seems to be mainstream, which likely means neurotypicals... it's really ironic, isn't it? Those who supposedly have "normal" attention spans can't bother to read through more than a paragraph sometimes. Yet, those of us who supposedly have an "attention deficit" will pour over articles, books, Wikipedia pages, and more for hours or days on end. We clearly have the capacity to pay attention, even if much of the modern world sucks at grabbing and maintaining it.

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[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago* (1 child)

That's the ticket really, he has endless energy and focus, provided he is onto something that is actually interesting to him. At 6 he's reading and understanding comics written for young teens (we had a quick word about a character who came out as trans and he easily understood). Sharp kid, just don't bore him.

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[–] skulblaka@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 years ago

The most important thing that you can do for this kid is to make sure he knows how to study properly when he gets into school. Every word you've said so far could describe me to a T when I was 6, and I did great in school without ever trying, so when I graduated high school and went off to college I flunked out halfway through because I never learned how to study. It bored me, so when I didn't just "get" something immediately like I had always done before, I often just didn't learn anything.

I consider that to be the one big major thing that prevented me from executing on the trajectory I was on. Had I learned how to learn when I needed to, today I could be some six figure code wizard milking investment money out of VC's and techbros. Instead I'm an automotive mechanic near the poverty line with no college degree to my name.

I'm not upset with my own life path, per se, for a number of reasons - I enjoy my work, I consider it ethical (in as far as supporting the automotive industry can be ethical...) and not least of which I'd probably have never met my partner if not for this twisted road I've gone down. But sometimes when I think about it too much the sense of lost potential is a little overwhelming.

Learning how to make himself sit down and learn something even when it's boring is a necessary skill that he may not develop on his own. I sure didn't, and look where it put me.

Take up this torch, kid, and do better than me. You have it in you. Someday soon we might all be depending on you.

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[–] zarkanian@sh.itjust.works 1 point 2 years ago

Pore* over

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[–] morbidcactus@lemmy.ca 4 points 2 years ago

I was in the "I masked hard until I lost the structure going into uni" camp, and even then I didn't actually get a diagnosis until 31. It's super familial and looking back, my dad 100% has ADHD and kinda suspect my mom has ADHD too, it's not that they were in denial they just didn't see anything as atypical, no teacher ever flagged me either, again, hindsight, I was overly talkative to the point of distraction and absolutely had emotional disregulation.

My parents did their best and were supportive of me, it sucks I was late diagnosed but was not due to them at all.

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[–] sirimeow@lemmy.world 19 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Just because you see all the jokes don't assume he's doomed. If he's still a kid he has even more time to learn to manage his adhd better.

Be patient with him and help him figure out how to deal with stuff in a way that works for him. And help him learn how to handle emotions.

Plenty of people with adhd can still live good lives, even if they can struggle with some stuff.

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[–] Ibuthyr@lemmy.wtf 8 points 2 years ago

ADHD often also comes with the ability to seek and find solutions. It's just that someone else usually must execute these solutions. Many very productive people throughout history likely had/have ADHD.

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[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

I know that intellectually. It's just rough.

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[–] Angelusz@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago (4 children)

With proper guidance, treatment and development, it can be turned in to a super power.

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[–] Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago* (3 children)

Be careful with that phrase. Being glad for aspects of one's disability seems to trigger some folks, and the response can be hit or miss. Some days, you mention a thing you're glad that your ADHD gives you, and people dog-pile you for daring to find a silver lining in your own life.

I get where they're coming from, since there are a lot of folks out there that don't understand what ADHD is. But they forget that there's a world of difference between someone without ADHD dismissing struggles by claiming someone has "superpowers," and someone with ADHD who chooses to celebrate their unique strengths.

Sorry, tangent. I'm just trying to look out for you because I've seen the Lemmy community jump on people for less.

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[–] Angelusz@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Thank you. I'm not afraid of online discourse or votes. I have the diagnosis myself, so speak from experience.

I do not consider it a disability, but rather being differently able.

I understand that my personal experience does not represent all those similar.

Cheers, have a nice day.

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[–] skulblaka@sh.itjust.works 3 points 2 years ago (1 child)

My X-men style superpower is that under moments of extreme stress I become the most efficient man in the world.

When I'm not stressed, I'm a lazy asshole, lazier and more asshole than your typical lazy asshole.

When I am stressed, I channel the avatar of The Flash for up to six minutes at a time, then afterwards, I forget everything I've ever remembered except for guilt that I don't operate like that all the time.

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[–] Angelusz@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

Go and buy a cape, you absolute unit!

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[–] GetAwayWithThis@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 point 2 years ago

I was a "hyperactive" kid, I am not sure if I even have ADHD. It sure feels like I do or at least did have more severe symptoms when I was a kid. I kind of turned out ok. I can live a healthy, full life, married. My parents barely have any idea of how and why I was a negligent, immature kid who couldn't get better grades or make friends despite doing everything in my power.

Looking back, the support I would have needed is just patience, understanding, reassurance and acceptance. If there are proven methots that work with learning difficulties, then that! To this day learning more than surface level information is pure pain. Teach him how to learn in my opinion.

On the other hand, I am great at seeing the "big picture" and can derive information off of it to solve most of my problems on the go. It's not a lost cause, it's just different. Having to fit in society's narrow minded "just because I said so" standards is what made me feel and act worse when I think of it.

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