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non-reactionary male focused podcasts
(hexbear.net)
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this post was submitted on 17 Jan 2025
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menby
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A space for masculine folks to talk about living under patriarchy.
Detoxing masculinity since 1990!
You don’t get points for feminism, feminism is expected.
Guidelines:
- Questions over blame
- Humility over pride
- Wisdom over dogma
- Actions over image
Rules (expansions on the guidelines):
- Mistakes should be learning experiences when possible.
- Do not attack comrades displaying vulnerability for what they acknowledge are mistakes.
- If you see good-faith behavior that's toxic, do your best to explain why it's toxic.
- If you don't have the energy to engage, report and move on.
- This includes past mistakes. If you've overcome extreme reactionary behavior, we'd love to know how.
- A widened range of acceptable discussion means a greater need for sensitivity and patience for your comrades.
- Examples:
- "This is reactionary. Here's why."
- "I know that {reality}, but I feel like {toxicity}"
- "I don't understand why this is reactionary, but it feels like it {spoilered details}"
- You are not entitled to the emotional labor of others.
- Constantly info-dumping and letting us sort through your psyche is not healthy for any of us.
- If you feel a criticism of you is unfair, do not lash out.
- If you can't engage self-critically, delete your post.
- If you don't know how to phrase why it's unfair, say so.
- No singular masculine ideal.
- This includes promoting gender-neutral traits like "courage" or "integrity" as "manly".
- Suggestions for an individual to replace a toxic ideal is fine.
- Don't reinforce the idea the fulfillment requires masculinity.
- This also includes tendency struggle-sessions.
- No lifestyle content.
- Post the picture of your new grill in !food (feminine people like grills too smh my head).
- Post the picture of the fish you caught in !sports (feminine people like fish too smdh my damn head).
- At best, stuff like this is off-topic. At worst, it's reinforcing genders norms..
- If you're not trying to be seen as masculine for your lifestyle content, it's irrelevant to this comm. If you are trying to be seen as masculine, let's have a discussion about why these things are seen as masculine.
Resources:
*The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks
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I think I'm saying the opposite of that: there's no way to build relationships without learning to be a good person and understanding your social situation. It's not some guarantee of anything, and you don't measure goodness backwards by companions. Being good is just 1 of the prerequisites to having happy companionships. Sorry if it sounds like I'm flipping cause/effect or the measurability here; I'm not.
There are of course people who desire to have a relationship with misogynists (to some extent, otherwise a lot of famous men would never have had children), but the best solution to being happy and having happy companions is being a good person (among other things, because of course it's complex with desires/attraction/social expectations). That's my point.
Edit: removed 'ticket' as a phrase because it is not useful to my point and the conversation to adopt the terms of the 'target group ' when their position is the problem. Also I guess my point originally was to emphasize that men frustrated with a lack of companionship/relationships and searching for "answers" are almost definitely in need of learning to be a good person first. And you can't build a pipeline to "good person status" out of podcasts discussing 'getting girls'.
There are definitely people who want relationships, aren't shitty, and are lacking companionship. These people don't need that sort of podcast, but something else to help with e.g. social experiences or relating to others. This is some good stuff that should be made. But the original post I replied to was insinuating it as a leftist pipeline. That's not what a podcast focussed on already good people would be.
Ok no worries yeah I completely agree with your overall point. That men should be taught not to be misogynists before they have relationships. If successful this will prevent a whole lot of abuse and suffering.
Awful people build relationships and win friends and all that all the time. Its just that the sort of relationships that result from those are either bad for the people involved or everyone else.
The world is a sick place and you are right that things should not be this way. This is why its important to be good and support anti-imperialist struggle, as you said.
Yeah I agree too, like "learning to be a good person" as in making sure you're not going to be abusive/violent/manipulative to your partner? I think everyone should learn this regardless of whether they are in a relationship or not tbh.
Also just not objectifying your partner but seeing them as fully human. The amount of men that lack this skill is baffling, but it's a direct consequence of a patriarchal society (here referring to the broad phenomenon, not all specific individuals)