Trans

I just realized it's been half a year since I started transitioning. So here's a summary of everything I've experienced so far. I hope it's helpful to someone.

Early signs

There were occasional things as a young child that, on reflection, were rather suggestive, but certainly by puberty I was explicitly praying to wake up as a girl. Realized that this was problematic and start suppressing and avoiding femininity. Fantasies, bouts of depression, alcoholism and overeating continue as life happens. Fast forward several decades to last year.

Egg crack

A combination of three things led me to finally realize that something might be wrong.

• A particularly strong depression with feelings that something big was missing from my life.
• Unable to buy clothes, or let someone else buy them for me, despite current items falling apart.
• Getting drunk and announcing that I'm a girl. Multiple times. Yeah, still didn't realize even then.

I start consuming a lot of trans content and find my way to egg_irl where I learn that the trans experience isn't just "a woman trapped in a man's body". As a desperate attempt to repudiate, I try to imagine what my response to all this would be if I was trans. Egg detonates.

Coming out

After a week of panic I tell my wife and start experimenting with presenting fem. Experience gender euphoria for the first time. Realize this is something that's got to happen, and start to transition. Come out to close friends, immediate family and a few coworkers (I work remote).

Presentation

I've been slowly sliding through androgyny heading towards pure fem. Started painting my nails pretty early and kept going. Experimented with make-up but haven't been doing it very regularly. My clothing is a bit more reserved when seeing people who knew me before (and that I'm not explicitly out to), but I think most people are starting to realize / comment that something is up. Otherwise anything goes; I've worked up the courage to wear skirts outside.

Probably the biggest change is losing 30kg or so. I'd like to shed a little bit more, but I'm back into the "normal" BMI range for the first time since I was a kid. This was just through eating less, nothing fancy.

I've been growing out my hair, going from buzz-cut to just starting to get in my eyes if I pull it straight. It's quite curly so growing out rather than down atm. Mostly I just hide it under a wool hat.

Four sessions done of laser on my face. They upped the power for the last session, which was a bit painful. It's working pretty well, but there's still quite a bit of shadow left.

HRT

Started DIY after about two months. Then prescription injections, and now patches. All monotherapy. HRT is very nice. I'm a little over four months on E, now.

Libido

Pretty much zero, right from the start. Kind of looking forward to girl-horny, but it's nice to not be bothered by it.

Skin

Looking nice now! Smooth and dry, needs moisturizing and hard to grip things.

Hair

Not really seeing much change here yet.

Smell

Way better than I was expecting. Pretty much odorless for the first three months, but now I smell like a girl. Except when my levels get low and the T stink starts to come back.

Face

Definitely different, but I wouldn't say obviously female yet. I'm reasonably confident that in time I'll be able to pass without FFS.

Body fat

Not much change here yet.

Chest

Boobs! They're small, but they're there. Definitely sensitive, but not too bad. Currently A cup or thereabouts. I was used to man-boobs from being fat, but these are clearly a different shape and firmer.

Mood

Overall significantly calmer and way less anxiety, possibly just due to coming out. I can cry more easily, but not the crazy ball of emotions I was expecting.

Muscle mass

Not noticed too much change yet. I was never particularly muscular.

Metabolism

Appetite has increased, but I can't eat as much. Presumably just due to dieting? Also I'm constantly cold now, but again that could be down to losing weight.

Girldick

Meh. It's different. Just cut it off already.

Voice

I like to sing (karaoke, not professionally!), and I realized I had a pretty good handle on pitch and resonance already. So one day I just started trying to talk in girl-voice. It varies from "kind of hoarse and strange" to "pretty good". I found audiation helps a lot: imagining in your head how you want to sound before speaking (musicians will hopefully understand). I haven't used my original voice in months.

Some people who know me have commented that my voice is "higher" or "cuter" now. I don't know whether or not I'd pass on the phone.

Passing

It's hard to tell, since there isn't a sir / madam distinction here. I think it probably depends on the situation, but my best guess is that I'm fairly androgynous at the moment. My hair isn't really long enough for a feminine style yet. Yeah, I know about pixie cuts and so on, but think that only works if the rest of you looks feminine enough.

Going forward

I'm transitioning fairly publicly, so I plan to come out to people who know me if they ask. Otherwise hoping to stealth eventually.

Not brave enough to use female bathrooms yet, so I mostly use the family / disabled one if I'm out. I haven't used the men's in a while.

Planning to change my legal name maybe this year? I've asked a few people to use my new name already (first names aren't often used here except among close friends). Can't change my official gender any time soon due to dumb laws.

I'm pretty sure SRS is going to happen at some point, but no firm plans yet.

Well, that's it! Any questions?