This is sort of an odd prompt but I'll elaborate.
I've always been a lone wolf. Primarily it has been due to intense social anxiety. I also fall somewhere on the asexual spectrum. So I've mostly gone though life by myself. Friendships and relationships have just never been a thing for me. I'm also in my 30s, so it's not as if I'm going to change the way I am.
Several years back, I started working my current job. Most people I worked with were either ok or were assholes. But there was one who was always kind to me. She always jokes around with me and was cheerful and happy when everyone else was a grumpy asshole. We work only a few feet from each other for hours almost every single day.
Through the years, I noticed myself getting happy when she would arrive at work or when our schedules would overlap more. I am happy every day to see her and enjoy spending time with her. I absolutely never get tired of seeing her and look forward to it every single day. She has even called me a friend on numerous occasions which I have almost never had anyone do before. We spend our days simultaneously working and also trying to out goober one another. She started referring to me as her friend at one point and it made me really happy whenever she would say it.
She is married and has children and has her own busy life outside of work. I often feel bad whenever I end up texting her outside of work because I know I am taking her away from where she wants to be. She's not one of those parents that spends their off hours getting away from the household...she is the opposite...wanting to spend every waking moment not at work with her kids.
It's selfish and wrong of me, but sometimes I get jealous when she interacts with her other work friend. Or it sometimes makes me sad to know that I most likely don't mean as much to her as she does to me. I would do honestly absolutely anything for her. I even let her family stay with me for a few days when they were temporarily without power or water.
When I see my other coworkers, I honestly could take them or leave them. But my whole day gets brightened when I see my one coworker that I am close to. I never get tired of seeing her.
I've almost never ever had this happen before. The only ever time this happened was with another sweet, funny, coworker who eventually moved away. I liked both of them very much and it pained me so much when the other left. I was depressed for months.
Since I'm an asexual, I never really see people and want to make out or have sex with them. But is that what is happening with my brain? Is my description normal friend behavior or is it wrong for me to feel this level of happiness and connection around my coworker? Is it normal to like a friend this much or is there something wrong with me? Am I supposed to try to find other people instead to have this sort of feeling with instead of my coworker? Is it wrong to want to hang out outside of work? Where is the line supposed to be drawn between what is socially acceptable and what isn't?
Thanks. I'm stupid ig.
your brain likes people who are pleasant and interact with you, and whose company you enjoy.
she's the only one you have right now that could be considered a 'friend'?
your subconscious is craving the social connections, and the one you have makes you happy.
scary as it may sound, i think you need a few more people like that in your life--and to be a person like that for others.
Well I have plenty of online friends but I don't necessarily feel that way about them. I have traveled to see some of my online friends in person before and it was nice but it was very awkward and not really the same thing lol. It's different because I see coworker in person all the time and we get along really well. I'm not sure if it's acceptable to like hang out outside of work or if that is going too far. She has stated she would want to do stuff like that occasionally but idk that it makes sense.
There used to be a second friend I had at work that I felt similarly about but she moved away!
I have just been wracking my brain trying to figure out how I could make more friends like that. I have tried activities here and there irl but they were not really conducive to meeting people. So far I've tried various workouts classes, but they don't really involve interactions with others. I need forced daily interaction to grow relationships with others. It takes me a long time to get to know someone and grow to like them. Often, I can get to know someone and still not really be compatible with them...as with my other coworkers who are often either temperamental and rude or just people that I don't really vibe with and have the same sense of humor.
My next idea was to try to find volunteer groups, but it seems none of them can really work around a M-F 9-5 schedule. The local food bank technically does Saturday volunteering, but it's perpetually at capacity for volunteers. So I can't do that one either.
Maybe a local animal shelter? Or possibly a hiking group if something like that is available in your area?
Studies show online friends don't provide the same brain chemical response as inperson. Kind of goes in order text->phone->video->inperson
Interesting...why do you think that is? I feel very close to my online friends. They know almost everything about me and we talk about intimate things that wouldn't be socially acceptable to just chat about in person. I also tend to turn to them when I am frustrated or for advice. That's the beauty of the internet is you can learn all of these details deep inside someone's brain that you wouldn't just chat about when shooting the shit irl.
The anonymity of the internet allows you to be more authentic and "deep" with people upon first meeting as opposed to irl.
But yeah, I don't have the same amount of happiness when I am casually chatting with them like I do with my coworker. Maybe it's because my online friends are always in my pocket?
I agree that conversations can sometimes be in depth online, however having a really good best friends can have same depth in person.
The studies noted that we are communal beings and body language and eye contact fufil a part of our needs. A zoom call where participants saw each other but avoided eyecontact measured lower on brain response than zoom call with eye contact.
It could be why many people have lots of online friends but still suffer depression.
That's very interesting. I do notice that with my irl friend/coworker, we do often communicate almost nonverbally. I obv can't do that with my online friends when we are text chatting. Altho I can communicate with my online friends via images which is interesting because you can't do that irl.