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Learned the person I consider my closest friend doesn't consider me theirs (hexbear.net)

submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I posted a day or 2 ago about me and my friend going through it a bit. To sum up: The situation is largely resolved, we had a long in-depth talk about things and cleared the air, we're still close friends.

It's just that, during the course of our conversation I told him he's my closest friend and asked if I was his...and he said no. He said I was close, but not the closest.

I didn't ask who was, though I think I know. And if that person is indeed the one, I suppose I get it. He lost his mom and my friend helped him through it, and few things bring people closer than overcoming tragedy, which our friendship has largely been free of. This person is a good guy.

I know it seems petty, and I'm trying not to let it bother me, but ngl, no matter how much I try to logic it away in my mind: It hurts.

It hurts to know I'm no one's #1 friend, and maybe no one's #1 anything.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 day ago

This is a common ND experience and stems from a lack of positive meaningful relationships. Not like... none, but way less than we need.

I partly blame this on a lack of community. In modern society, everyone is expected to separately maintain friendship networks, which involves a lot of time and energy, rather than being part of mutually supportive communities, which take substantially less time and energy.

That being said, try to push the idea of relationship hierarchy from your mind. Relationships ebb and flow and everyone's got their own shit going on.