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Learned the person I consider my closest friend doesn't consider me theirs (hexbear.net)

submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I posted a day or 2 ago about me and my friend going through it a bit. To sum up: The situation is largely resolved, we had a long in-depth talk about things and cleared the air, we're still close friends.

It's just that, during the course of our conversation I told him he's my closest friend and asked if I was his...and he said no. He said I was close, but not the closest.

I didn't ask who was, though I think I know. And if that person is indeed the one, I suppose I get it. He lost his mom and my friend helped him through it, and few things bring people closer than overcoming tragedy, which our friendship has largely been free of. This person is a good guy.

I know it seems petty, and I'm trying not to let it bother me, but ngl, no matter how much I try to logic it away in my mind: It hurts.

It hurts to know I'm no one's #1 friend, and maybe no one's #1 anything.

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

i think i understand what you are feeling. as some have said, this is not the best thought process that you can have regarding this but its not a shameful one in my opinion, especially because you recognize its petty and you wanted to put yourself out there about it. being someone that had a "#1", them passing away violently and suddenly, then embracing a new "#1" that i am also a "#1" for, i can say that sometimes i wish the person i am so called "#1" for had someone else that could fill those shoes sometimes. it sounds like this is a trauma bond that those two share and while they can beautiful, sometimes its very hard to share that space with someone and being the only one that can

EDIT: added missing words