chat

It's a complex situation and I'm tired, so I'll try to sum it up:

I struggle with depression/anxiety and feelings of isolation, and at this point only regularly get social interaction seeing my best friend once a week. He has a separate friend group from me made up of several people that he sees weekly as well, who he plays tabletop games with n stuff. He's had this group for many years, since highschool, and I've met and hung out with them a handful of times. We get along quite well!

I've lowkey been trying to become a regular part of that group for years now, but have recently intensified efforts to join due to my mental health worsening. I stopped beating around the bush and let him know about these feelings out loud a few months ago when I had a mini nervous breakdown of sorts, but things overall haven't really changed since. He didn't react the way I needed him to in the heat of the moment, which was disheartening to me, but that weekend he invited me to hang with the group since they were coincidentally having a non-tabletop hangout that week, and it did wonders for my mental health. Problem is: It's now been several months, and at this rate I'm on the road to another breakdown if nothing bigger changes. His main "excuse" why I can't do tabletop with them is that the group's too full. And when I suggested me just watching and not playing so I could still hang, since being around a friendly group is ultimately what matters to me, apparently that would still be an issue because "having a spectator would mess with the vibe".

I'm afraid to ever bring it up because I think broaching the topic annoys him, and like I said, he's basically the only life preserver my mental stability has this point, so I'm terrified of accidentally pushing him away.

We're both autistic also btw, and in different ways I think. He specifically seems to have more difficulty with empathy than I do.

He's a good guy, and I love him, but I am just so deeply, deeply frustrated.