menby

Apologies for missing the last section or two. Work, the holidays and now getting sick really did a number on me.

I am so incredibly grateful that I read this book. Patriarchy wasn't a new topic for me, but to have it named and clearly shown how pervasive it is really helped me reframe some things, especially about myself. I recently moved back to my home city and it has dredged up a lot of stuff that I thought I was buried and done with. My father was not the worst there ever was, but he was patriarchal in his own way by imposing his own values and ambitions and by letting his temper run how he dealt with every frustration no matter how small. I resented him for it for years and now he's slowly dying of dementia in a shitty nursing home. I realized that my anger towards him was worthless since he is too far gone to achieve anything meaningful from a confrontation. I just put that anger away and made a promise instead that I would be a better man than him. I would be gentle and loving and not let my shit get on other people because that's my work and responsibility, not anyone else's.

I can't fully reject anger because I can't look at the state of the world and not feel it. It can be a useful tool in the right situations, but it is but one emotion that we are meant to experience. The book's emphasis on love was a major guiding star for me. Love, compassion, solidarity; these are the feelings I'm seeking to nurture and to save my anger for those truly deserve it. This is not a prescription for others, mind you, as we all operate differently and have our own work to do, merely reflection of my own growth and journey.

I'm grateful for everyone who has participated in this group. Even when I haven't been able to post, I have read your words and taken them and your experiences to heart. We come from different places but we've all been affected by patriarchy in all of its insidious ways. I thank you all for walking this path together. Thank you to @[email protected] for organizing this. I plan on doing my best to participate in future reading groups as they develop.

Finally, for anyone who might have been lurking through this:

I'm not going to judge you for not commenting, as outside of discussions like this I largely lurk with the occasional insight, quip, or emote, but I hope you are still engaged with the text and my hope is that you might participate more in a future book discussion. This is the kind of work we need to put in to improve the problem of misogyny in the site's culture. Even if you've already read the material we'd love to hear your insight.