TL;DR no records found. Either HB really is a bunch of libs or I didn't word the request well enough. Never done one of these before.
Deleting the post at this point would not be in anyone's interest. This happened.
It should be locked and archived in c/badposting and linked to as a reminder during future education efforts of the sorts of things a careless person might think is totally harmless because they don't face the same threats that other users on the federated network of sites do.