Hello comrades, it's time for our third discussion thread for The Will to Change, covering Chapters 6 (Work: What's Love Got To Do With It?) and 7 (Feminist Manhood). Thanks to everyone who participated the last few weeks, I’m looking forward to hearing everyone’s thoughts again. And if you’re just joining the book club this week, welcome!
Chapter 6 discusses the role of work under patriarchy and how capitalism forces men and women alike to not only work long hours to survive, but to prioritize supporting themselves and their families financially over any sort of healing and growing. Chapter 7 delves into how men can apply feminist thought practically to support the well-being of themselves and the people around them.
If you haven't read the book yet but would like to, its available free on the Internet Archive in text form, as well as an audiobook on Youtube with content warnings at the start of each chapter, courtesy of the Anarchist Audio Library, and as an audiobook on our very own TankieTube! (note: the YT version is missing the Preface but the Tankietube version has it)
As always let me know if you'd like to be added to the ping list!
Our next discussion will be on Chapters 8 (Popular Culture: Media Masculinity) and 9 (Healing Male Spirit), beginning on 12/25. That thread will likely stay up a little longer than usual as I'm sure many people will be busy around the end of the year and I want to give everyone the opportunity to share their thoughts.
So much of the "soft patriarchy" comes down to "provide and protect", as if just those two aspects are wholesome as long as we strip it away from violence. But violence and domination are always going to sneak back in to further the mans provider and protector status. How can i provide if i dont dominate and exploit at work to further my career? How do i further my career without the wife in her proper place, supporting me? Protecting my family sounds nice, but what does that even mean? Because to so many people i grew up with, it meant protecting the virginity and purity of your beautiful daughters, and protecting the neighborhood from "undesirables"
So i recognize that a ton of my insecurities are rooted in my desire to "provide and protect" and my shame that i "fail" in this regard. My wife is a breadwinner and i have been only partially employed the past year. Our living situation isnt as good as it "should be" because i cant bring home enough money to buy a piece of land. What is "protecting" my wife but imagining potential harms and getting prepared to do unnecessary violence?
I dont think it is inherently bad to provide and protect, but also, to remember that these are universal desires that arent owned by men, and means more than "making a lot of money" and "being ready to shoot at intruders". I want to provide for my wife when she asks me for a cup of coffee. I want to protect my community from bigots and fascism. I want to spend more time with mutual aids that provide meals for the community. And just as a "man" wants to provide and protect, women do as well, but that is just called "motherly love". Living in an LGBTQ neighborhood, i cant ignore the painful past of lesbian women providing and protecting for their gay comrades suffering from AIDS.
This quote says all i need and more...before even being responsible for others, we have to be responsible for ourselves. This means self care, taking time for health, and continuing the practice of emotional openness. And being responsible for others - doing what i need for my family, and keeping an eye on my community to see how i can help address their needs. But again, this doesnt just mean "buy a gun and get ready to shoot at homophobes and ICE agents". Thats just reverting to a different version of patriarchal masculinity. A nicer version that stands for a good cause, sure, but the most important thing for me now is to focus on what i can do for myself, loving myself, and trying to give that love to the next layer outside of myself.