Over the course of several years I've discovered that I've grown more paranoid and fearful when living with my neurotypical family as they haven't been emotionally supportive in the slightest.
They always compain that I never tell them anything but can I really be blamed for this when I get criticised about complaining?
I feel more comfortable around my friends as I get to listen to their IRL horror stories and I can also share mine, since I'm an empath I'm more emotionally invested in listening to people. With my friends it's a beneficial give and take whereas I'm only given the choice of listening with my family so I feel like I'm constantly taking crazy pills.
I remember after consulting with my doctor I got diagnosed and I was told that yeah I do have OCD. I tried telling my parents about it and they said it's all in my head. Gods that dreadful feeling hasn't dimished in the slightest.
Trying to find a tech job hasn't been easy as well being a new graduate with no prior experience as well. So trying to create useful/interesting FOSS apps has been hard as my motivation has mainly stemmed from my desire to escape.
Everyday I wonder if my life could have been better if I was born neurotypical.
Sorry for the rambling, please let me know if this post is unwanted here
You are empathetic. So am I! [^1] And, so, I feel your pain and frustration. As one says in South Africa: "Sterkte!" [^2]
You were born you. Who was born neuro-typical would not have been you and whether their life was better or worse is irrelevant. I wish I had wise words to write about resisting those thoughts – I do know them well! – but only madness lies down that path. Resist them, you must!
[^1]: The world needs more empathy, not less. Embrace your Self.
[^2]: It means "strength" and is typically intended as a wish of wellbeing to another.