this post was submitted on 02 Dec 2024
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[–] [email protected] 63 points 2 days ago (6 children)

Here's a bonus I saw at college: "Can I touch your hair?" it's an especially weird one.

[–] [email protected] 59 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

I was blonde growing up in a middle eastern country and people used to want to touch my hair all the time. It's just curiosity.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 day ago

No, it can only be white on black racism

[–] [email protected] 42 points 2 days ago (1 children)

white guy here.

I had a lady do that to me and my beard in college.

it was weird at the time but scratched a physical contact itch I had no idea I had. the interaction started a long lasting infatuation with black matriarchs.

my point is, it's fine to tell people no because it's a limit of yours, but some people get curious about things that are new(to them) and it shouldn't be held against them. who knows you might even like it.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 2 days ago (1 children)

The problem is volume. You had one interaction years ago. Black ladies get this sort of thing a lot more. I'm sure it gets exhausting.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 day ago

This is only tangentially related to the point but when else am I going to get to share this story:

I'm a tall white dude with long, thick, slightly curly hair (when short it curls, when long the weight pulls it into waves), my entire life it's been expected of me to just let women touch my hair and go "god I wish I could have this" or similar

I had a few black girl friends (note the space) growing up and they saw that a few times and we bonded a bit on this hair shit, but they were actually shocked that people at least asked them whereas I'd get molested without asking

One day an older black woman did it in front of my friend Alex and she puts on her heaviest "I'm from the ghetto bitch" accent and yells "nigga why you not even ask to touch his hair? You're a sistah, you should know better!" And smacks her hand away from me

The look of shock on that woman's face and level of apology she gave me was the weirdest fucking thing I've ever experienced racially in my life. I got to see, just for a moment, what it looks like when white people realize theyre being super racist and want to undo it. It was awkward as fuck

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I'm a Latino and I grew out my hair during the pandemic with the goal of donating it. My hair comes out curly when it is long. One day, when we were back to seeing people face to face, a black woman asked if she could touch my hair. I was a little surprised that she asked, lol.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 1 day ago

Did you get all offended about it

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Speaking of touching hair, this isn't really related but what are you supposed to do when holding a baby?
Like I held my family members baby the other day at Thanksgiving and my brain just defaulted to petting their nearly bald head like my cat 😭

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago

Either that or chew on its ear. That is normal, right?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I think that's normal, actually. Little kids like affection and caressing their bald head qualifies. I'm not sure what age that ends, though.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I'm over 30 but I still like it when my gf gives me head scritches/scalp massages. So I guess never for some?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

My wife will hiss at me if I don't caress her hair before sleepytime. I may have married a cat.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Does scratching behind ears work?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I think that will get me bitten

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 day ago

If she starts vibrating that means it is working

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 day ago

I don't have kids, but a friend of mine that does commented I sway while carrying a cat in the way someone holding a baby does.

I guess that's more proof part of the domestication that went on with cats is that they somehow signal "baby" to our minds.

It makes sense it goes the other way too.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 days ago

I'm not black but Hispanic and get this often because of my curly hair. I actually love it but understand some people might not like it. But at least they ask. Had some people just pat my hair to feel it which is really weird.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)

That’s funny, because I had a lady I work with tell me to feel her hair.

We were talking about how she always had different hairstyles, and then she explained all this stuff about weaves and fake hair, and then she had me feel her hair to tell the difference.

I did not retain all/any of the knowledge of artificial hair, but I do remember she always had kickass hair styles.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago

It's about consent.

The fact that you've heard "Don't touch a black person's hair" is because SO MANY nonBlack people would just walk up and start touching us without so much as a "How do you do".

Black people aren't particularly different than anyone else. The way we are treated is often quite different.