159
From chapter 3 of The Will to Change (join the book club!) while she's discussing how mass media reinforces partriarchal norms onto boys and young men
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
this post was submitted on 01 Dec 2024
159 points (98.2% liked)
menby
8048 readers
1 users here now
A space for masculine folks to talk about living under patriarchy.
Detoxing masculinity since 1990!
You don’t get points for feminism, feminism is expected.
Guidelines:
- Questions over blame
- Humility over pride
- Wisdom over dogma
- Actions over image
Rules (expansions on the guidelines):
- Mistakes should be learning experiences when possible.
- Do not attack comrades displaying vulnerability for what they acknowledge are mistakes.
- If you see good-faith behavior that's toxic, do your best to explain why it's toxic.
- If you don't have the energy to engage, report and move on.
- This includes past mistakes. If you've overcome extreme reactionary behavior, we'd love to know how.
- A widened range of acceptable discussion means a greater need for sensitivity and patience for your comrades.
- Examples:
- "This is reactionary. Here's why."
- "I know that {reality}, but I feel like {toxicity}"
- "I don't understand why this is reactionary, but it feels like it {spoilered details}"
- You are not entitled to the emotional labor of others.
- Constantly info-dumping and letting us sort through your psyche is not healthy for any of us.
- If you feel a criticism of you is unfair, do not lash out.
- If you can't engage self-critically, delete your post.
- If you don't know how to phrase why it's unfair, say so.
- No singular masculine ideal.
- This includes promoting gender-neutral traits like "courage" or "integrity" as "manly".
- Suggestions for an individual to replace a toxic ideal is fine.
- Don't reinforce the idea the fulfillment requires masculinity.
- This also includes tendency struggle-sessions.
- No lifestyle content.
- Post the picture of your new grill in !food (feminine people like grills too smh my head).
- Post the picture of the fish you caught in !sports (feminine people like fish too smdh my damn head).
- At best, stuff like this is off-topic. At worst, it's reinforcing genders norms..
- If you're not trying to be seen as masculine for your lifestyle content, it's irrelevant to this comm. If you are trying to be seen as masculine, let's have a discussion about why these things are seen as masculine.
Resources:
*The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks
founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS
i mean what ages are we talking about? i think thats the thing. it was pushed on boys in elementary school and then the ones where are into fandom spaces were in middle and high school and those were mostly girls because boys aren't into fandom. what do you mean by "girl spaces" genuinely confused? also im under 25. so i don't think this is a generational thing. like most elementary schoolers are not on Tumblr or fan forums. is that what you mean by "girl spaces". where are these girls under ten years old hanging out?
sorry for the questions this convo is deeply deeply baffling to me. are you guys all talking about middle and highschoolers and adults. to be clear i read harry potter in middle school and being "into" it was not normal i got many of my books destroyed over it but there were some other nerd girls i found solace with. listen i did go to an extremely ghetto ass middle school so maybe my experiences are diffrent.
i don't know I'm just interested in different people's experiences with popular media. by girl spaces I do mean fandom but also middle/high school cliques.
ok well bell hooks is talking about children here, the harry potter books were made to mature as the books go on sure, but if you look at what bell hooks is saying and recall the discussion around boys falling behind in reading we are talking about younger children here. and yes it was pushed on younger boys. there was a whole media narrative about it.