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From chapter 3 of The Will to Change (join the book club!) while she's discussing how mass media reinforces partriarchal norms onto boys and young men
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this post was submitted on 01 Dec 2024
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menby
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A space for masculine folks to talk about living under patriarchy.
Detoxing masculinity since 1990!
You don’t get points for feminism, feminism is expected.
Guidelines:
- Questions over blame
- Humility over pride
- Wisdom over dogma
- Actions over image
Rules (expansions on the guidelines):
- Mistakes should be learning experiences when possible.
- Do not attack comrades displaying vulnerability for what they acknowledge are mistakes.
- If you see good-faith behavior that's toxic, do your best to explain why it's toxic.
- If you don't have the energy to engage, report and move on.
- This includes past mistakes. If you've overcome extreme reactionary behavior, we'd love to know how.
- A widened range of acceptable discussion means a greater need for sensitivity and patience for your comrades.
- Examples:
- "This is reactionary. Here's why."
- "I know that {reality}, but I feel like {toxicity}"
- "I don't understand why this is reactionary, but it feels like it {spoilered details}"
- You are not entitled to the emotional labor of others.
- Constantly info-dumping and letting us sort through your psyche is not healthy for any of us.
- If you feel a criticism of you is unfair, do not lash out.
- If you can't engage self-critically, delete your post.
- If you don't know how to phrase why it's unfair, say so.
- No singular masculine ideal.
- This includes promoting gender-neutral traits like "courage" or "integrity" as "manly".
- Suggestions for an individual to replace a toxic ideal is fine.
- Don't reinforce the idea the fulfillment requires masculinity.
- This also includes tendency struggle-sessions.
- No lifestyle content.
- Post the picture of your new grill in !food (feminine people like grills too smh my head).
- Post the picture of the fish you caught in !sports (feminine people like fish too smdh my damn head).
- At best, stuff like this is off-topic. At worst, it's reinforcing genders norms..
- If you're not trying to be seen as masculine for your lifestyle content, it's irrelevant to this comm. If you are trying to be seen as masculine, let's have a discussion about why these things are seen as masculine.
Resources:
*The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks
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I recently read Iron Widow which is YA scifi that has thick anti-patriarchal themes. It's pretty recent though.
the lib feminist mech furry polyamory book is not a replacement for harry potter. like were talking elementary school vs highschool. also just becuase it has a protaganisnt who spend a lot of time TALKING bout the patriarchy she still embodies the critiques bell hooks made. like the main character is the only smart capable women and all the others are mean, stupid, or cowards, and the only people on her side are her two male lovers. she singlehandedly changed the world through her force of her will and "spirit". also the author is anti communist fyi. (still gonna pirate that second book in hopes of a threesome) EDIT also the book is pure slop. just botton of the barrel fanfic quality slop that you read if you like polyamory and mechs and furrys not because its good. its actully a laughably bad book, like i literally laughed while reading it because of how absurd the "feminist" parts of the book were. like yeah babe being sexually abused is soooooooooooo girlboss when you are just too cool and bad ass to CARE that you are being sexually abused.