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"The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love" by bell hooks BOOK CLUB - Preface and Chapter 1 Discussion (hexbear.net)
submitted 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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Hello comrades, it's time for our first discussion thread for The Will to Change! Please share your thoughts below on the first two sections of the book. There's quite a lot to talk about between hooks' discussion of masculinity discourse within feminist circles, the ways both men and women uphold patriarchy, and the near universal experience of men being forced to suppress their rich emotional worlds from a young age. I'll be posting my thoughts in a little bit after I'm done with work.

If you haven't read the book yet but would like to, its available free on the Internet Archive in text form, as well as an audiobook on Youtube with content warnings at the start of each chapter, courtesy of the Anarchist Audio Library, and as an audiobook on our very own TankieTube! (note: the YT version is missing the Preface but the Tankietube version has it) Let me know if you'd like to be added to the ping list!

Our next discussion will be on Chapters 2 (Understanding Patriarchy) and 3 (Being a Boy), beginning on 12/4.

Thanks to everyone who is or will be participating, I'm really looking forward to hearing everyone's thoughts! feminism

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[-] [email protected] 7 points 6 months ago

This book is great so far. It is revealing a lot to me about reconciling my own relationship with my father, who despite all his failings and patriarchal attitudes (which are a fraction of what he experienced as a child to be fair) is still working hard and trying to love his children even in his late 60s. But its so hard to reconcile, because for every genuine nice text he sends there are countless times he made me feel small/worthless/failure of a man.

But most of all it has me wanting to change my kneejerk reaction to things especially as it pertains to the women in my life. Shortly after reading this, my wife and her sister got into a bit of a fight over facetime. I was feeling defensive, angry at my sister in law, and the comment i made out of those feelings were patriarchal, minimizing to my sister in laws feelings, made the fight worse. I felt bad, shut myself up, and everything ended OK.

Ive got my own actions and attitudes that i need to work on checking. But this book presents me a lot of hope that i dont need to just "work hard" to be a good man, i just need to let go of some things, listen, and learn to love myself and to lead my relationships not out of fear and anger but out of love.

Thanks for picking such a great book, i might end up finishing it ahead of time and will definitely be recommending it to others

this post was submitted on 27 Nov 2024
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A space for masculine folks to talk about living under patriarchy.

Detoxing masculinity since 1990!

You don’t get points for feminism, feminism is expected.

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  1. Questions over blame
  2. Humility over pride
  3. Wisdom over dogma
  4. Actions over image

Rules (expansions on the guidelines):

  1. Mistakes should be learning experiences when possible.
    • Do not attack comrades displaying vulnerability for what they acknowledge are mistakes.
    • If you see good-faith behavior that's toxic, do your best to explain why it's toxic.
    • If you don't have the energy to engage, report and move on.
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      • "I don't understand why this is reactionary, but it feels like it {spoilered details}"
  2. You are not entitled to the emotional labor of others.
    • Constantly info-dumping and letting us sort through your psyche is not healthy for any of us.
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    • At best, stuff like this is off-topic. At worst, it's reinforcing genders norms..
    • If you're not trying to be seen as masculine for your lifestyle content, it's irrelevant to this comm. If you are trying to be seen as masculine, let's have a discussion about why these things are seen as masculine.

Resources:

*The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks

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