The other side of this is that they're so misogynistic how the fuck do they expect to get that romantically close to someone before they realise how awful they are?

they're stuck in a doom loop of terrible self esteem and self fulfilling prophecy. Anyone from the outside looking in can look at the situation and say "Why don't you just?" but they're trainwrecks, they probably need therapy to escape it. Well that probably works for like pre-2010 normal teenager who is scared of girls and can't get laid type of situation, now we have the fent of inceldom thanks to 4chan or whatever started it. Probably need some sort of detox from the internet plus therapy.