this post was submitted on 23 Nov 2024
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We take the opposite approach: never assume your spouse is going to deal with it; see a problem, deal with it yourself.
Our marriage is still a mess, but it's a mess that's not breaking up any time soon. Mostly we both need to stop drinking.
That tactic tends to breed resentment (from both sides) when one person starts to get better at noticing problems. You might get lucky and stay balanced, but you'll probably have to actually talk about that some day.
That's fair, and I was oversimplifying a bit; there are definitely things that are specific to her or me, that we've either talked about, or settled into a natural division of labour.
Dishes? Yeah that's both of us. Often she ends up loading the dishwasher, I end up emptying it, but not always. Litter box? That's a me problem, she can't handle the smell. Weeding the garden? That's a her problem, I couldn't give a fuck