this post was submitted on 23 Nov 2024
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This is where lasting relationships and divorce enter the building. Can you, will you deal with the coffee pot? Or do you pray, with every task, that they take care of it first? Is your other half taking care of it while you feel relief, far too often? Are you sick of taking care of it while your other half is checks other room watching YouTube and scrolling Lemmy?
Is it balanced? Or is it a question of how long until imbalance breaks things?
Adulting is tiring. Adulting is also a key to relationship maintenance.
We take the opposite approach: never assume your spouse is going to deal with it; see a problem, deal with it yourself.
Our marriage is still a mess, but it's a mess that's not breaking up any time soon. Mostly we both need to stop drinking.
That tactic tends to breed resentment (from both sides) when one person starts to get better at noticing problems. You might get lucky and stay balanced, but you'll probably have to actually talk about that some day.
That's fair, and I was oversimplifying a bit; there are definitely things that are specific to her or me, that we've either talked about, or settled into a natural division of labour.
Dishes? Yeah that's both of us. Often she ends up loading the dishwasher, I end up emptying it, but not always. Litter box? That's a me problem, she can't handle the smell. Weeding the garden? That's a her problem, I couldn't give a fuck
Holy shit, that hits close to home.
For me it's Checks room and partner is stuck on Instagram/Facebook/Tiktok.
Or partner takes 45m to do a 5min task because they take 10m standing breaks every minute to doomscroll.
Then complain that they don't have any time to do their normal shared workload. Or play with the kid with me, or walk the dogs....etc