Lord of the memes

Sauron could besiege and assault Tom's forest, and find his strongest engines casually turned into decorative fountains, with any surviving troops rigorously tending the gardens around them. He could march up to Tom's front door, himself, and hammer at it with a mace the size of a man, and only achieve polite knocks which somehow turn into knock-knock jokes, which would send him into downright apocalyptic rage. He would literally breathe fire.

But then after interminable years of arson, scheming, setting things on fire, skirmishing, setting the fire-machines on fire, wargaming, setting the fire on fire, and generally trying to smash everything with every other available thing - Sauron would catch Tom out for a walk and say "What a lovely trinket! May I see it?!" And Tom would just fucking hand it to him.

If Sauron got anywhere close while Tom still had the ring, sheer narrative convention would ensure Tom keeps it for as long as possible. It is not his role to fight and defeat the embodiment of discordant evil and mortal suffering. But it is absolutely his role to defy change, flout attacks, and generally frustrate any effort to deal with him in sensible terms. Because in a world of material concerns, laced throughout with hints of magic, he is an outright cartoon character.

It's like Satan, who is the devil, going up against Roger Rabbit. "Do you mean to tell me you could have done that at any time?" "No! Only when it was funny."