Hi, I just discovered this site. I'm hoping to make some friends. I'm stuck at home and lonely. So I'll tell you a bit about myself. I'm cis female, ace. I've been having cancer treatment for quite a while and recently had a stroke. I'm going through a disability benefit appeal. All my friends drifted away when I got sick as I was no longer fun. The last time i saw my friends was at my 25th birthday party. I'm turning 41 this year. I've had no social life or offline companionship since then. I worked several jobs including fitness instructor and carer for the elderly, then went to university in my 20s to study philosophy. I had to drop out due to the side effects of my cancer meds.
My life now revolves around endless benefit assessments, last one I was awarded zero points and had my money stopped. I'm currently fighting it but now have no money at all and a maxxed out overdraft. Food bank access is awful so I'm starving constantly. I've been learning to walk again since the stroke. Previously I was sporty but now it's painful to even walk. So I wanted to take up art as a hobby, start learning to draw from scratch but I can't even afford paper and pencils.
So, life is awful. I need a distraction and someone to talk to. I used to talk to the people on a suicide pact forum (I've already made on attempt and often feel desperate enough to try again) but I just got banned from there for trying to sell my meds on there. Don't judge me please - I was only trying to do that out of financial desperation! So now I have literally no-one to talk to online or in real life.
Obviously I'm a leftist. I'm sick of this world where some people are billionaires while millions starve.
Well, it seems it's about to get worse. Even if they reinstate my PIP (and they say the appeal might not be til February) they are talking about changing them to vouchers soon. That's no good to me, I need the cash to pay off my OD, buy food, pay for help around the house (can't do much since I became disabled.) It's really looking like suicide is going to be the only way out for me. I've met someone on a suicide pact forum and we're discussing methods and meeting up to help each other. Nothing is going to get better, neither in my life nor with promoting socialism. It's all pointless and I'm so tired of eing hungry and stressed all the time.
The Tories in red only seem to be making things worse, if I were you I'd be reaching out to citizens advice. They really helped me with money issues and told me what to do when handling debts like requesting a freeze, helped with pip and universal credit. Beyond that I have some Devon centric help lines I understand you may feel beyond help but like Lenin said of his brother, we're no good dead (probably poorly quieted).
And you know what's even more insane? I developed vitamin deficiencies because of my lack of food, diagnosed by a doctor. The state's solution? prescribe me vitamin tablets on the NHS. So fucking stupid. They'll spend NHS money to treat the symptoms of deficiency but won't guarantee me enough money to live on so i don't get deficiencies in the first place.
Yea this is a head scratcher. In another post I commented how capitalism feels like a drawn out punishment, then on top of that we get further punished for being punished. Like currently I am bidding on social housing where once a week I must log into devonchoice.com /org to place fucking bids, if I stop I get removed from the programme, why not add me to a list. In two or however many years it takes give me a call and say "you made it to the bottom of the list, here's a flat for you" but again its a punishment and an arbitrary game.
We should have food programmes in Britain not banks but actual programmes that take from the capitalists forcefully to feed our most vulnerable.
No, we should have guaranteed minimum incomes so people don't need charity food. There should be laws against stopping people's benefits so they aren't starving in the first place. When they stop your benefits you don't even get a warning period. They don't even say "We've decided to stop your benefits. we'll stop them in three months so you have three months to find a job." Or pay you while you fight an appeal. No, they just stop them instantly. Instant and total destitution.
citizens advice are already helping with my claim. neither they nor macmillan nor churches nor anyone give a fuck about my food situation or will do anything to help. they all fob me off and pass me to the next organisation, saying it's their job to help. i just don't have the energy for this any more. It's exhausting enough having literal cancer treatment, never mind starving on top of that and continually having to search and beg for food on top of that. I can't keep doing this.
Fuck churches, they are always wanting something in return sly fuckers.
Are you on matrix chat? NHS mental health stuff has been similar, 2 years being tossed about but eventually I was put into a programme that worked for me and have meds that work for me. At the start it all felt so insurmountable as things often do, I hope you can make it to a similar point where ending isn't what you see as the only option.
Anyway I suffer with si and avoid the subject when I can.
As far as churches, I'm finding more and more that humans are all the same. Whether Christian, socialist, literally any ideology. Most people with an ideology only want to talk about it and play at it, none of them really mean it. The bible teaches feeding those in need but not a single Christian helped me with food. Same with socialists honestly, everyone says "Hope you get it sorted comrade!" Like good wishes are going to feed me. Humans are just disingenuous creatures who want their ideology to make them feel good about themselves, but don't want to put any actual sacrifice in. I'm resigned to human nature now.
only because people are bludgeon by capitalism, there's a phenomenon witnessed in abuse's where the abused can become the abuser to who ever is seen as beneath them, luckily most of the socialist in my personal life have been nothing but giving, allowing me to sofa surf while homeless, financial aid when I've been desperate and if i were in a position to- i would do the same for you. reach out in a few months when i should be entering back into work. right now i could link you up with your local Socialist Party branch, or i can tell you about Unite community the section of Unite union for out of work members, £3 a month they will support you in DWP / PIP and maybe even food. they are a union though and obviously its sometimes not possible to pay subs.
just going to link this in. when i said about my experience it was less to do with the material and more so the outcome. you can't therapist your way out of an awful situation or take a drug that will fill you up. instead my point was i was law last years, i didn't have cancer or any serious health conditions so we are different in these regards, instead i was incredible lonely, i hated myself for being unable to hold down a job, keep a relationship, not drink to excess and many other things, even now i think low of myself with all the embarrassment that has been in my life. but since really joining a political party and building a social circle, as well as taking part in emotional regulation therapy i have gotten better, I'm still broke, unemployed with future job prospects looming over my head and the fear of relapse.
I don't even have £3. It sucks that you have to pay for everything in this life even help from fellow socialists.
sadly saying socialism doesn't magic capitalism away, I pay my subs to 1: fund our movement and 2: to show my dedication. same goes for Unions, even in the transitional period we will still use money, some will still be better off than others but eventually these things will be a horrifying memory.
reach out in a few months, i should be in a position to help.
I've had 5 different therapies and 5 or 6 different antidepreessants. None worked. How can they? My problem is poverty and they won't solve that. Therapy and meds won't numb the hunger pangs or reduce the stress of impending homelessness.