anti_cishet_aktion
A space for LGBTQIA+ people to express themselves.
RULES
-
Familiarize yourself with the site-wide Code of Conduct
-
Be nice to each other, no bigotry of any kind
Bigotry includes transphobia, homophobia, aphobia, sexism, racism, ableism, etc. Hold each other accountable. If you see something, say something. -
Don't link to transphobia
Please don't link to transphobia (or other bigotry), even if your personal intent is to challenge the bigotry in some way. Provide a content warning label in the title of your post where applicable. -
Be dank; don't be not-dank
No liberalism, capitalist apologia, imperialism, etc. -
Harassment
Cyber-stalking, harassment, and all other forms of threatening another comrade will result in removal.
Threatening, inciting violence, and promoting harm to another comrade shall result in removal. -
No sexually explicit content
As badly as some of us want to get saucy here, do not post sexually-explicit content that could reveal your personal or confidential information. Until there is a way this could be safely executed, all sexually-explicit posts will be removed to keep our comrades safe. -
Do not post NSFL Content
It will be removed. -
We are not a crisis service
We can't guarantee an immediate response. This does not mean no one cares. If you need to talk to someone at once, you may want to take a look at this directory of Hotline Numbers.
If you need help but don’t feel comfortable making a post for any reason, please message the moderators. We will be glad to talk with you privately, or help in any other way that we can.
view the rest of the comments
I'm AMAB and now trans-NB but I used to be a CIS man struggling with insecure masculinity. I first discovered gender bending when I was cross-dressed by the leatherdykes I was living with. They'd put me into skirts and blouses and I feel an immediate transformation — I'd become quieter, more passive, and I'd spend most of my time cleaning after them and washing the dishes.
They complained at first about my behavior. "We think it's problematic that your idea of a women is cleaning and washing dishes." Which is true, that's problematic. But they let is slide, they said, because they were getting free cleaning and dish washing.
It took me a lot of reflection to realized that my inner woman, because she was never expressed, had also never had a chance to develop through the discovery of feminism. It took me many years and a lot of feminist study to raise that part of my consciousness. It took another two decades for me to then start to deconstruct gender entirely and transition. It was a wild ride.
In short, it's perfectly understandable to have an underdeveloped, under-socialized gender identity when first transitioning. And being aware of it puts you way ahead of most men who never question their toxicity. It will take patience and study to undo a lifetime of gender indoctrination and find your own expression.
In my work to be a better, more ethical man, I got into the New Age Man movement. This was decades ago and included work like Iron John by Robert Bly. This is some old-school shit and I don't think it was very useful. I've had some contact with modern men's movement (not MRA!) folks that lead me to believe it hasn't improved much. I found it mostly a sort of "kinder, gentler" toxicity.
Honestly the book that I feel liberated me most was bell hook's Feminism is for Everybody. hooks spends considerable thought on the impact of patriarchy on men. I no longer identify as male, but if you do and want to untoxify it, I highly recommend hooks.