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Ex-Incels, how did you dig yourself out? (poptalk.scrubbles.tech)

submitted 3 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

145 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I'm an ex incel myself, but I've been seeing a few users here exhibiting the tell tale signs. "I'm not attractive enough", "I don't socialize correctly", "I'll never find a woman" - all extremely unhealthy attitudes.

Personally I burned through many friendships and ruined a lot of chances with women because I was in the incel community. The community warped my view of women so much that I made it even harder to meet women, I became my own worst enemy. I lost friends because all I could think of was how horrible it was that they had girlfriends.

I have a friend who helped me out of it. She was the one who started calling out my bad behavior for what it was, and I started on the long uphill path out of it. I'm now married and stable for well over a decade, but I still think back to those days, and it depresses me seeing other people causing this themselves and not being aware of it.

So, Lemmy, for those who have clawed out of it, what's your story?

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Well I would say for a start that while you say you're ugly someone will think you're pretty. The thing is one of those people should be you. Anyways, I wouldn't call it inceldom, if anything just a mild lack of self-esteem, that's fixable, how depends on you tbh, I personally recommend going to the gym because it worked for me, even without much gains it helps a lot with confidence, especially if you compare yourseld only with your past self and not others. Of course it may or may not work for you. Once you figure out why you feel ugly and work through it, giving yourself time to adjust and not being too harsh on yourself while trying to still maintain some discipline, you will probably realize you aren't as ugly as you think you are and maybe one day find someone you like. Or not, well at least not for a while, but at least you'll be happy even if single

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 months ago

Yeah, it's clearly important to make sure you're clean and you cut your hair how you like it and dress how you want. Even if you're a morbidly obese sweatlord, you'll be a lot happier about how you look in the mirror when you're doing those kinds of things.