this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2023
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Depression tends to go hand in hand with having a chronic illness. Especially when it feels like you're constantly fighting what feels like a losing battle with it...
Lately my sense of motivation has been in an odd state. I'll do things for others, or when it involves more than just myself - like I'll go to work and do my best because I've committed to it, if friends ask me to do something I'll do so, etc. But when it comes to doing things for just me I'm finding it difficult to have the drive to do so. Listening to music and jamming it out while programming was always one of my favorite ways to pass the time and even that seems to not have the "spark" that it once did.
It feels like there are just so many factors of my life that are off kilter, and when I try to re-balance one, its difficult to do so because a different facet is off and affecting it. It's like a game of whack-a-mole really.
Yeah it’s like doing things for other people is something I can’t decline, but if it’s for me I have to find the motivation and it’s almost impossible! When I’m not working or helping other people it’s just apathy