"To let things slide for the sake of peace and friendship when a person has clearly gone wrong, and refrain from principled argument because he is an old acquaintance, a fellow townsman, a schoolmate, a close friend, a loved one, an old colleague or old subordinate. Or to touch on the matter lightly instead of going into it thoroughly, so as to keep on good terms. The result is that both the organization and the individual are harmed. This is one type of liberalism." -Mao Zedong.
I'm tired. I'm tired and I'm sad. I lost a friend because I was advocating against telling people to vote for those who have slaughtered and terrorized their friends and families.
I used to vote blue. I could see where they were coming from, the feeling as though you're contributing to saving lives. The desire for reprieve from the Republicans. If the democrats were truly the lesser evil then I'd vote for them. I'd encourage activism, yes, but I'd vote. It's not as hard for me as it is for less privileged people.
But... https://thebaffler.com/latest/democrats-are-the-real-party-of-war
Time after time, I've given them my vote, and they terrorize other countries. The terror is only redirected. It isn't gone, it isn't even mitigated. By voting for the democrats, I stab the global south in the back. Another friend of mine tried to frame this as a trolley problem. But here's the problem.
These politicians are fucking liars. I can't tell how many people there are on either track. Or even if there are different tracks. Even if the DNC was more proactive about fighting the GOP, then the lever merely determines the trolley's speed. So there I was, seen as a traitor to queer people. And I'm really, really sad. All because I refused to encourage people to vote for the aesthetics of a better USA.
There are so many variables involved that there's objectively a lesser evil among the two, I'd argue. The problem is they're liars. I don't know which it is. And either way I'd still be voting for the slaughter of innocent lives, domestically and abroad. They're too evil. And I'm too sad.
The people I was arguing against were under no impression the democrats weren't fucking awful and that the system wasn't garbage. They just didn't realize or believe just how awful the democrats are and presented them as a slightly better alternative to the Republicans when I couldn't even agree to that. You're right, I should've kept my mouth shut. I was just trying to do as Mao instructed. And I treasure my remaining friends more for it.
They probably are aware how awful the system is, but the insidious thing about the party dichotomy is that "a slightly better alternative" is all it needs to work. It frames politics as something to act upon by voting correctly. This is, fundamentally, buying into the assumptions of liberal democracy. Your friends may understand that problems exist, but they likely don't have much of an idea about what to do beyond engaging in this dance.
I also wouldn't be so doom-and-gloom about your prospects with your "former" friends. I'm sure things are fine after one political disagreement. Gay people especially can be a little dramatic. Take it with a grain of salt.
If you find yourself in these discussions in the future, be keenly aware of yourself and the implications of what you say. It's very easy to antagonize someone unintentionally when we butt heads like that. I would try asking questions that expose weaknesses in their worldview. But be subtle when you draw attention to those vulnerabilities. Let them think they noticed it themselves.